Principal Kelly on the Edge
by Red Witch
Summary: How does poor Kelly deals with the insanity of 'Shadowdance' and beyond? Includes many musical numbers, exploding vending machines, disappearing security guards and a lot of insanity! Completed Fic!
1. There Are Monsters in the Halls Again!

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X-Men Evo characters. Don't own 'em. Now that that's out of the way, more Principal Kelly torture again! Gee the guy can't have anything at the school go right now can he? 

**There Are Monsters in the Halls Again!**

Principal Kelly raced for his life out the door; he barely managed to push the speed dial button on his cell phone. His hands were shaking for dear life.

"Hello! 911!" Kelly stammered into the phone. "This is Principal Kelly at Bayville High! This is an emergency!"

"Oh no not you again," The operator groaned. "So what happened this time? Another fire? Earthquake? Tornado?" 

"Monsters," Kelly groaned. "Monsters at the dance…"

"Those blue things again?" She sighed.

"No! These are different monsters!" Kelly shouted into the phone. "Big huge red lizards! Dragons!"

"What?" 

"Dragons! We have dragons in the school!"

"Principal Kelly have you been sipping the punch?"

"I WAS NOT DRINKING!" Kelly shouted. "I SAW THEM AND SO DID THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY!" 

"Sounds like somebody put something in the punch," The operator said.

"FOR THE LAST TIME IT WASN'T SOMETHING IN THE PUNCH!" Kelly shouted. "WILL YOU PLEASE SEND SOMEONE DOWN HERE! WE NEED HELP!"

"Hey Doris you gotta hear this," The operator said. "It's Bayville High again. Wait till you hear this one!"

"WILL YOU JUST GET SOMEONE DOWN HERE BEFORE WE ALL GET KILLED!" Kelly shouted. 

"A squad car is on its way sir," The operator answered in a professional voice. 

"FORGET A SQUAD CAR WHAT WE NEED IS A COUPLE OF TANKS! CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD!" Kelly shouted. "Hello? Hello?" 

Some time later, a few police officers escorted Kelly to the gym. "Okay now where's this dragon you were talking about?" One asked.

"I'm telling you officer there were monsters here!" Kelly snapped.

"Yeah I think I can guess where they came from," The other snickered.

"Oh yeah?" Kelly snapped as he pointed to the hole in the middle of the gym. "Does that look like it was made by a drink of punch!" He then did a double take. "THE GYM! NOT AGAIN! THAT'S THE SECOND GYM RUINED THIS SEMESTER!" 

"That's one big hole eh Toody?" One officer asked.

"Yep that's a big one Muldoon," The other nodded. 

"My gym," Kelly sank to his knees. "My gym." 

"Gonna cost a lot of money to fix that," Toody whistled.

"Yup," Muldoon nodded. "Lotta money." 

"Ohhhhhh," Kelly moaned. "My gym….my gym…"

"What do you think something like this costs?" Toody asked.

"I dunno," Muldoon shrugged. "Over 25 grand at least." 

"Ohhhhhh…" Kelly held his head. "I gotta get a new job!" 


	2. Wasted Away Again in Bayville

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Disclaimer: I don't own any X-Men Evolution Characters or the song "Margaritaville." I just thought of this bit of insanity.

**Wasted Away Again In Bayville**

Shortly after the cops have left the dance in "Shadowdance" We see Kelly in a bar somewhere. Kelly is having some drinks.

"Keep 'em coming bartender! Oh my head! I've only just finished payments on the **last time** the gym was wrecked! Why me? Why? Why? Other principals have to worry about drugs and gangs. But nooooooo! What do I get? Earthquakes! Monsters! Demons! And the occasional shot put smashing my desk! I can't take much more of this! _My hands never used to shake. That was before the first earthquake! Nearly getting killed does that to a man. I've never had such a bad fright. What a horrible night! Another disaster has hit the fan!_

Wasted away again down in Bayville! Searching for a margarita with salt! Some people claim that a curse is to blame! But don't….It's nobody's fault.

Don't know the reason, how dragons and monsters came in season. Just don't know what I'm gonna do! I really can't see, why this happens to me. Why these things happen I haven't a clue!

Wasted away again down in Bayville. Searching for a margarita with salt! Some people claim that a curse is to blame! But I think…It's gotta be someone's fault!

Now the gym's been destroyed again! I'm running out of aspirin. All of our funds for repairs are spent and gone! Why do I even stay? I should just run away. I need another drink to help me hang on!

Wasted away again down in Bayville. Searching for a margarita with salt! Some people claim that a curse is to blame. But I know…It's has to be someone's fault! Yes some people claim that a curse is to blame! But I know! It's definitely someone's fault!

Something really is wrong here and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it!"

He got up determined, then fell flat down his face.** "**Oh look at the pretty stars…."


	3. Monday, Monday...

**Monday, Monday…**

It was the Monday after the disaster at the dance. However, no one was interested in lessons as the kids came into homeroom. Including the teachers. This made certain members of the student body very nervous. 

"Risty you ain't gonna tell anyone what you know right?" Rogue asked. 

"No way girlfriend," Risty nodded. "Your secrets are safe with me."

"Well that's good to know," Rouge sighed.

"Maybe you're making too much of this," Risty suggested. "Maybe people will forget all about this."

"Good morning students!" Principal Kelly's voice came over the loudspeaker. "First off the bat I would like to announce that due to the incident at the dance the gym is off limits for repairs. Again. If any student has any information about what the heck happened that night please see me in my office. Especially if you have any proof or anything. Also I have brought in a Dr. Weisman for counseling if anyone who needs it. I mean I am not the only one who saw those monsters right? I know for a fact it wasn't something in the punch! So please, somebody, anybody who can explain what happened please, please, please tell me! There is something really weird going on here and I would like to get to the bottom of it! If you are afraid to come forward for some reason there will be a box outside the office where you can drop in your comments anonymously. Listen, school is supposed to be a safe place. Kids should not have to worry about monsters eating them up. That's not even supposed to be one of the top ten things kids in high school have to worry about! I'm beginning to thing maybe this school is really cursed! I…I…"

A few minutes later a calm voice came on. "This is Dr. Weisman. I will be unavailable for counseling first period…I will be available the rest of the day…After I finish with Principal Kelly. Um…Since he is indisposed I will finish the announcements. Oh I see we have a birthday today…"

As the psychiatrist droned on Rogue and Risty looked at each other with shocked looks. "Okay so I was wrong," Risty gulped. 

************************************************************************

Later on in that day Todd found himself in the Principal's office. He scuffed his feet on the floor trying desperately to remember what he had done this time to be called in. He cringed as the door opened. 

"Mr. Tolensky I'd like a word with you please," Kelly escorted him into the office, trying hard not to pass out from his smell.

"Whatever it was I didn't do it!" Todd yelped. 

"I didn't say you did, Kelly sat down at his desk and put on his most charming smile. "Now…Todd. Why don't you tell me about what you know what happened at the dance?" 

"What dance?" Todd looked at him blankly.

"The Sadie Hawkins Dance last Friday," Kelly said patiently.

"What about it?"

"What do you know about it?" Kelly asked.

"Know about what?" Todd asked.

"About what happened?" Kelly said. 

"What happened?" Todd asked him.

"With the monsters," Kelly said gently.

"What monsters?" Todd looked at him blankly.

"The monsters at the dance," Kelly said.

"What dance?"

"Okay," Kelly rubbed his forehead. "You're in shock and denial. That's understandable. I'm not angry with you. I just want to know what you remember about the dance."

"What dance?" 

"The dance you were at last Friday!" Kelly's voice grew higher.

"I went to the dance Friday?" Todd looked at him skeptically. 

"Yes you did," Kelly sighed.

"How do you know that?"

"Because I saw you there!"

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. You were dancing with Tabitha Smith."

"Oh yeah that was a lot of fun she's a great dancer!"

"Ah ha! So you do remember being at the dance!"

"What dance?" 

"THE DANCE YOU SAW THE MONSTERS AT!" Kelly screamed.  
"Don't hit me!" Todd whined, covering his head. 

"I am not going to hit you," Kelly groaned.

"Promise?"

"Promise," Kelly sighed. "Todd I know from reading your files you have trouble with comprehension so why don't we take this slowly, okay? There was a dance Friday right?" 

"Uh…Yeah." Todd nodded. 

"You remember the dance now right?"

"Uh…Yeah."

"You were dancing with Tabitha Smith at the dance right?" 

"Yes! Yes I was! It's all coming back to me now!" 

"Now do you remember seeing the monsters?"

"What monsters?"

"The monsters at the dance!" Kelly snapped.

"There were monsters at the dance?" Todd's eyes went wide. "You see I had to escape from Tabby cause she was dancing like crazy and I needed a rest so I went out the back and why are you hitting your head against the desk Principal Kelly?"

"No reason," Kelly groaned. "No reason at all. Tolensky…You can go. I'll give you a pass to get back to class. Just go. Go please…"

"Okay! Thanks Principal Kelly!" Todd started to walk out. "Oh before I forget I need a note from you too explaining that I lost my homework," Todd said.

"How did you lose your homework?" Kelly groaned. 

"The monsters ate it," Todd said. 

Kelly pushed a button on his desk. "Dr. Weisman…I need to see you again!" 


	4. Let's Try this Again Shall We?

**Let's Try This Again Shall We?**

After a few minutes talking with Dr.Weisman Principal Kelly decided to try again. This time he decided to talk with the first student he saw. And by coincidence he saw Lance and Pietro walking down the halls. "Alvers, Maximoff!" He called to them. "My office now!" 

They shuffled in and sat down, giving him surly looks. "Okay what did we do now?" Lance grumbled.

"I wanna talk about what happened at the dance Friday," Kelly said. 

"WHAT?" Lance shouted. "I don't believe it! Every little thing that goes wrong at this school we get the blame! And now you wanna pin a dinosaur rap on us!"

"I thought they were dragons?" Pietro said. "But you have a point! You got nothing on us Kelly! Nothing!" 

"I didn't say…" Kelly began.

"Do you have any proof that we had something to do with this?" Lance snapped. "Did somebody say we had done it? I want names! I have the right to know who said that and what their health plan is so I can send them to the right hospital!"

"No one said you did it…" Kelly tried again.

"CALL MY LAWYER! I'LL SUE!" Pietro screamed at the top of his lungs. "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! AN OUTRAGE!" 

"There is no need to bring a lawyer into this," Kelly groaned.

"Wanna bet?" Lance snapped. "Hey technically those dinosaurs attacking us is your fault!" 

"THIS IS AMERICA! I HAVE RIGHTS!" Pietro kept shouting. 

"WHAT?" Kelly snapped. "How can those things be my fault?"

"O SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEEE!" Pietro started to sing. 

"Cool it Pietro!" Lance snapped. Turning back to Kelly with a smug look on his face he continued. "It happened on school property, right? You're supposed to keep us safe right? It's your responsibility to see that we are safe and secure and protected."

"Yeah doesn't your dinosaur insurance policy have anything to say about that?" Pietro snapped.

"What dinosaur insurance policy?" Kelly gulped. "We don't have an insurance policy on dinosaurs!"

"Whatddya mean you don't have a dinosaur policy?" Pietro snapped. "You mean to tell me that if a student gets eaten by dinosaurs it's his own fault?"

"There is no such thing as a dinosaur insurance policy!" Kelly shouted. 

"How do you know that?" Lance snapped. "Maybe you skimped on the money and got the cheap stuff!"

"WHAT?" Kelly shouted.

"Hey it happens!" Lance said. "Maybe you wanted all the money for yourself! So you skimp on a few costs here and there. So what if a kid gets eaten by dinosaurs? Who's to know? So long as you have your secret Swiss Bank Account and your mansion in the Bahamas what do you care what happens to the education system?" 

"I smell lawsuit!" Pietro perked up. 

"Yeah that's a great idea!" Lance said. "We could sue the school for a cool couple million easy!" 

"NO!" Kelly started sweating. "No lawsuit!" 

"Why not?" Lance told him. "We're always being encouraged to reach our full potential? And a couple million will help us with that I can tell you that much!" Lance stood up. "This is the land of the fee and home of the paid! This is a land where the victims are entitled to justice! I am a victim! I was traumatized!"

"Me too!" Pietro stood up. 

"You can't sue the school for damages by dinosaurs!" Kelly said, more to himself than to the boys. 

"Well it would be pretty stupid of us to sue the dinosaurs for damages," Pietro said. "How much cash could they possibly have?"

"We want our money!" Lance shouted.

"You are not getting a dime!" Kelly shouted back.

"We'll see what the judge has to say about that pal!" Pietro spat.

Lance and Pietro marched out of the office singing, "AMERICA AMERICA! WE WANT OUR MONEY! WE'LL HAVE A BASH WITH LOTS OF CASH FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!" 

Kelly grabbed a bottle of scotch from underneath the desk and poured himself a glass. "This is not my day…this is not my day…." 


	5. You Mean That Wasn't a Movie?

**You Mean That Wasn't a Movie?**

"Mr.Dukes please come in," Principal Kelly made a motion. Nervously Fred sat down in the chair. "Now I'd like you to tell me in your own words what you think happened the other night at the dance."

"What dance?"

"No, I am not going to go through this again!" Kelly slammed his fist on the desk. "The dance last Friday where you and Miss Smith and Mr. Tolensky were dancing at!" 

"We were?" Fred scratched his head. "Uh…I didn't go. I went to the movies. Yeah there was this cool fic where these guys and girls were dancing and then these monsters came out of nowhere and STOMP!" he started to make monster sounds. 

"MR. DUKES THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED FRIDAY!" Kelly screamed.

"You mean that wasn't a movie?" Fred blinked. 

"Never mind," Kelly put his head in his hands. "Just send Miss Smith in please?"

"Okie Dokie!" Fred smiled and waved as he went out. Tabitha came in. 

"Hey Kell," She smiled chewing gum. "How's it hangin?" 

"Miss Smith," Kelly decided to overlook the rather obvious breach of conduct. "Can you please tell me what you saw Friday night? Regarding the dinosaurs?"

"Hey I'd love to," She sighed. "But the truth is I didn't see any. I took a bathroom break y'know to freshen up and stuff and I ended up talking to this girl who was really having boyfriend troubles. I forget her name, Tammy, Tara…whatever. Well She's been going with this guy for like two months and he hasn't even kissed her yet. Well they hadn't been to the dance two minutes when she was talking with this kid she's known since third grade and he took her out back and had his tongue down her throat and she's like what's up with that? Where do you get off doing this? But she secretly liked it and now she doesn't know whether to keep the guy she's been dating or dump him for her old friend. So I told her…"

"Miss Smith!" Kelly shouted. "As fascinating as that sounds, I am much more interested about the dinosaurs!" 

"Oh," Tabitha sighed. "Well to tell you the truth I didn't really see any. I spent most of my time talking to that girl in the bathroom. Maybe her name was Amber…"

"Miss Smith," Kelly groaned. "That'll be all…Thank you for your time." 

She bounced out of the room. Kelly rummaged around for more scotch but couldn't find any. 

"Why did I waste this morning talking to them?" He groaned. "Why didn't I just go to the normal students? Why do I even bother with those delinquents? Why isn't there a bar within walking distance around here?" 


	6. Would You Care To Explain This?

**Would You Care To Explain This?**

Lunchtime rolled around surprisingly quickly that day. The Brotherhood thought it might be a good idea to have a little talk with the X-Men. "What do you guys want?" Evan snapped, slightly annoyed at their presence.

"Hey have any of you guys been called into Kelly's office?" Lance asked. "He's asking everyone about Friday."

"No," Kitty shook her head along with the rest of the X-Men. "How do you know that?"

"Because he called us in to ask us," Lance stated.

"WHAT?" Kurt yelped.

"Oh great we're dead!" Evan groaned.

"You told on us didn't you?" Scott groaned.

"Don't worry we didn't say nothin," Todd shook his head. "Freddy and I just played dumb."

"Wow that must have been a stretch," Kurt grumbled. Todd made a face at him.

"I went for the 'I Was in the Bathroom the Whole Time' Speech," Tabitha said. 

"We used the moral outrage combined with the 'Distract Him with Legal Action Against the School," Pietro said.

"Oooh," Fred marveled. "That's a good one!" 

"So what lies are you gonna use?" Lance asked. "You guys did come up with excuses right?" 

"Um," Scott and the others looked at each other.

"Oh for crying out loud," Lance groaned. "Okay, give us a few minutes, maybe we can come up with something."

"No thanks!" Kurt spat. "We don't need help from a bunch of idiots who wouldn't know the truth if it bit them in the butt!" 

"So what are you going to do?" Pietro snapped. "Say 'Oh hello Herr Kelly, yes I'm afraid I was experimenting with my powers and let a few demons slide into this dimension. Sorry! My fault!' Oh yeah he'll really go for that." 

"If you want my advice, just play dumb," Todd said. "Teachers expect kids to be stupid…"

"Correction, they expect you to be stupid!" Kurt snapped.

"Hey we were just trying to help!" Lance huffed. "But if you don't want any…"

"Kurt Wagner please report to the principal's office," the intercom crackled. Kurt turned pale and gulped. He looked at the Brotherhood.

"Don't look at us," Todd said. "We're idiots who wouldn't know reality if it bit them on the butt." 

************************************************************************

"Mr. Wagner, come on in," Principal Kelly smiled. Kurt shuffled in nervously. He wasn't very good at lying, he knew. And he had no idea what to say. _We had all weekend to come up with a cover story, _He thought. _Why didn't we come up with a cover story! Wait! What story? Just play dumb like Toad said. That we know nothing! Ya, that will work…I hope._

"Mr. Wagner? Did you hear me?"

"Huh," Kurt snapped back to reality. 

"I asked you if you could explain Friday's dance," Kelly asked.

"Dance?" Kurt gulped. "Um…I…I…Oh about those monsters right?"

"Well I certainly didn't call you in here do discuss the decorations did I?" Kelly snapped. "Do you have any idea what caused those creatures to come in and nearly kill us all?"

"I don't know!" Kurt gulped, suddenly feeling more than a little guilty. "I don't know…I don't know…" Panic started to take over his mind under Kelly's glare. 

"Um, Mr. Wagner," Kelly realized he had probably been too harsh on the boy. "Kurt!" 

"I know nothing! I know nothing!" Kurt yelped, sounding like a bad version of Sgt. Shultz. "Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!"

"Kurt, Kurt calm down," Kelly raised his hands. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to snap at you! I had a very bad time too and I didn't mean to take it out on you." He reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. 

Kurt, afraid that Kelly would feel his fur, jerked back and panicked. "Don't touch!" He yelped in a loud voice.

Suddenly Lance burst in. "Are you hassling students again?" He shouted. "Abuse! Child Abuse!"

"Mr. Alvers…" Kelly growled. "Do you mind?"

"Yes I do mind! Haven't you traumatized this kid enough!" Lance snapped, then he pulled Kurt closer and whispered into his ear. "If it wasn't for Kitty I'd leave you here to hang furball! Now keep acting confused and scared! Let me do the talking!" 

"I know nothing!" Kurt yelled louder.

"You're abusing students!" Lance shouted. "Hassling them for no reason! What do you think beating them will get the truth! Call this kid a lawyer! Call the German Embassy! Call Amnesty International!" 

"Calling Dr. Weisman…" Kelly moaned in the intercom.


	7. The Bayville Inquisition Continues

**The Bayville Inquisition Continues…**

"Mr. Daniels," Principal Kelly folded his fingers. "Can you tell me what you know about the monsters on Friday?" 

"Well they're not interdimensional demons if that's what you're thinking," Evan said without thinking. 

"WHAT?" Kelly's eyes bulged. 

"I mean of course they're not that? Did I say interdimensional demons? I meant," Evan gulped trying desperately to think of a better idea. "Rats."

"Rats?" Kelly looked at him.

"Yeah, rats!" Evan nodded his head rapidly.

"Those were not rats," Kelly snapped.

"They were mutant rats," Evan said. "They ate too much of the cafeteria food and mutated."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" Kelly snapped.

"Have you eaten the food in the cafeteria lately?" Evan asked.

"NEXT!" Kelly shouted.

************************************************************************

"I'm telling you Principal Kelly it must have been a stunt for a movie!" Risty said.

"Uh yeah I mean what else could it be?" Rogue asked. "I mean demons appearing out of nowhere? That doesn't happen in real life!"

"Yeah it must have been a hoax," Risty nodded. "Just a couple of kids in costumes!" 

"Yeah that must be it! There's no way that was real!" Rogue said. "I don't believe they were real!" 

"Oh really?" Kelly took something out of his desk. "How do you explain this!" It was something red and sharp.

"What's that?" Rogue asked, even though she knew perfectly well what it was.

"It's a claw from one of the creatures!" Kelly said triumphantly. "It was found into the gym." 

"Oh dear," Risty gulped. "So…no chance it's a fake huh?"

"Nope," Kelly said. 

"Oh," Rogue looked at Risty. "Um…Well I'm stumped. How about you?"

"Ditto," Risty said. 

"NEXT!" Kelly sighed. 

************************************************************************

"And then just as I was about to throw the pass, I pull a fake and…"

"Mr. Matthews I am sure that is a fascinating story," Kelly groaned. "But what about the monsters?" 

"Oh I took care of those babies," Duncan grinned.

"Before or after you ran away screaming like a little girl!" Jean snapped.

"Hey what do you want from me?" Duncan asked.

"How about a little consideration for starters!" Jean snapped. "You left me behind! I could have been killed for all you knew!" 

"I thought you were right behind me!" Duncan wailed. 

"I was," Jean snapped. "By about a hundred feet! I knew I should have taken Scott."

"What do you see in that loser?" Duncan asked sharply.

"He is not a loser!" She snapped. "A loser is someone who ignores his date to hang around with his buddies and doesn't even dance with her! I don't know why I put up with you! I really don't!"

"But…" Duncan tried to defend himself. 

"I swear one of these days Duncan…" Jean began a tirade.

"NEXT!" Kelly shouted. "PLEASE!" 

************************************************************************

"Have you ever seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer Show?" Taryn said. "Maybe it's a portal to an evil dimension! Maybe vampires are going to take over the school!"

"Mr. Summers?" Kelly moaned. "Your thoughts on this?" 

"Um," Scott couldn't think of anything original. "Aliens?" 

"That's it!" Kelly slammed his palms on the desk. "I've had it! This is getting me nowhere! Although ironically Mr. Summers your suggestion is the closest thing to a sensible suggestion I've had all day! I wonder what that scientist I brought in found?"

"Scientist?" Scott started.

"Yes I brought in a scientist to try and explain this," He pressed a button. "Hang around, this should be interesting. Oh Doctor Blake," He shook hands to a man with gray hair. "Now what did you find out?"

"Well I studied the claw marks, the ionization of the atmosphere in the gym, ground samples and basically everything inside the gym," The scientist spoke.

"And what did you find?" Kelly asked. 

"Well there were some quarters and some interesting magazines in the bathroom," Dr. Blake began. "Oh you mean about the monsters?"

"Yes," Kelly said.

"Absolutely nothing."

"Ah-ha," Kelly rubbed his forehead. "But what about the claw I found?"

"Oh that?" Dr. Blake nodded. "Haven't a clue actually. My this case is a real stumper!" 

"Oh god," Kelly groaned. "Please let it be intelligent life from outer space. Seeing as there's hardly any around here!" 


	8. It's All In Your Head

**It's All In Your Head….**

"I can't believe this," Kelly groaned. "How could they not find anything? Maybe this school really is cursed!" 

"Now now Mr. Kelly," Dr. Weisman "There are no such things as curses. I believe these monster reports and earthquake tremors are the result of mass hysteria."

"Wait a minute," Kelly snapped. "Are you saying I **imagined** all this?" 

"Imagined is a harsh word," Dr. Weisman said, lacing his fingers together. "I would call them stress induced delusions."

**"Does this look like a delusion?"** Kelly waved the claw he found at him. "Did a delusion make those claw marks and cause all that destruction in the gym? I don't think so!" 

"Probably a mutated form of rat," The psychiatrist sniffed. "A gas line probably ruptured underneath the school causing the floor to break and sent out a gas that interfered with everyone's perception of events. This gas caused the animals to appear larger than they actually were. It's really that simple."

"Listen buddy," Kelly snapped. "There was no gas floating around when I saw McCoy turn into a monster!"

"A mask and costume," Weisman shrugged. "You didn't actually **see** him turn into a monster before your eyes. Am I correct?" 

"Well no…But what about the blue demon reports and the earthquakes?" 

"Like I said a stress induced delusion," Dr. Weisman shrugged. "It's not uncommon. Especially after a traumatic event such as the school catching on fire."

"Well I do admit my life has been stressed since that event," Kelly sighed. "I've been having the weirdest nightmares about it lately."

"There you are," The psychiatrist said confidently. "You see…" He was interrupted by a loud rumble and the ground shook for a few seconds.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Dr. Weisman yelped. 

"Oh that?" Kelly said cynically. "That's just one of my stress induced delusions." 

"Good god," Dr. Weisman stated. "Does that happen often?"

"At least once a week," Kelly sighed.

"Did you get a geologist in here to check for a fault line?" Weisman asked.

"I've had five geologists around here and every single one of them told me the same thing," Kelly snapped. "No fault lines! They can't explain it either!" 

"Well there's obviously some scientific explanation for this," Dr. Weisman said. "Earthquakes don't happen without something causing them. I think I will go back to my office now."

"Yeah, you do that," Kelly looked at him as he left.

Meanwhile in the parking lot….

"I've had it Pietro!" Evan snapped, spikes protruding from his arms. 

"Rats?" Pietro laughed. "That's the best you could come up with? That's even lamer than usual Daniels!"

"I show you who's lame!" Evan shot spikes out at Pietro, who easily dodged them. Instead they hit a car nearby. "Oops."

"You really ought to work on your aim," Pietro giggled. "Bye!" he ran away, knocking Evan down. 

Meanwhile Dr. Weisman was coming out of the building. Suddenly he was knocked down by something very fast. "What the?" He looked around but could not see what it was. He got up, brushed himself off and went to the parking lot. He stood there in horror as he reached his destination. 

"My car!" He screamed as he saw the punctured tires. Not to mention the spikes protruding from the car's door. "MY CAR!" He crouched down to inspect them. From his vantage point he saw a young lad hopping. Yes he was hopping on all fours. Suddenly he stopped and looked at some flies flying around a nearby dumpster. To Dr. Weisman's horror, a long green tongue shot out of the boy's mouth and caught them. He nearly vomited when he saw the boy swallow them with glee, then hop away.

"I did not see that," Dr. Weisman told himself. "I did not see that." 

He got up and walked away shakily. "It was a delusion," He told himself. That was when the ground shook again. He decided to freshen up a bit to calm his nerves.

A few seconds later inside the boy's bathroom….

"Not again," Kurt grumbled as his projector went on the fritz again. That was the precise moment Dr. Weisman came in.

"AGGGGH!" Dr. Weisman screamed.

"AAAAAHHH!" Kurt screamed before he teleported out of there. 

"DEMON!" Dr. Weisman ran out screaming. 

He rounded a corner when he saw a vending machine explode. A blonde girl looked at him blankly. "I didn't do it," She shrugged. Dr.Weisman's eyes widened as he saw a girl with brown hair walk through the girl's bathroom door while it was still closed.

"GHOSTS!" He shouted. "AGGGGH!" He ran away.

"Way to go Kit-Kat," Tabitha put her hands on her hips.

"Sorry," Kitty yawned. "But algebra nearly put me to sleep! I was tired!" 

"This is not real," Dr. Weisman whimpered. "This is not happening. This is all in my mind!" 

Dr. Weisman rounded another corner and came face to face with a huge red lizard with huge teeth. He screamed and ran in the other direction. The lizard changed into Risty. "I love doing that," She giggled. "Hmm…I think I may have impersonated a teen a little too long. Oh well." 

"MONSTERS!" He burst into Kelly's office. "MONSTERS! GHOSTS! BIG TEETH BIG TEETH! DESTROYED MY CAR! WALK THOUGH WALLS! DESTROY PROPERTY! AGGGGGH! HELP ME!" He grabbed Kelly by the jacket. "THEY'RE GONNA EAT ME! THIS PLACE IS CURSED! CURSED I TELL YOU!"

"I thought they were just delusions?" Kelly sneered.

"WHAT DO I KNOW? SAVE ME! HEEEELLLLPP!" He screamed running all around the office.

About an hour later the ambulance arrived and took the psychiatrist away, Principal Kelly made a phone call. "Bayville General Hospital? We need another psychiatrist here…yeah I know it's the third one in two months, but if you have any extra we could sure use some help here. Well do you have any psychology students? We're not picky!" 


	9. Hello Mother, Hello Father

**And the insanity continues: I don't own the lyrics to "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh!" I just had a strange idea.**

Hello Mother, Hello Father

Principal Kelly was writing at his desk.

__

Hello Mother, Hello Father,

Once again I'm in hot water.

Now don't think I've fallen off the wagon

But my students and I nearly got eaten by a dragon!

I don't know how it got there,

But I nearly soiled my underwear!

It's a miracle no one was eaten,

But the superintendent blames me, the cretin!

He wants to put the blame on me

Because monsters aren't covered on the insurance policy

My secretary is begging me to fire her

And I keep getting phone calls from the Enquirer

One of the teachers, Mrs. Sawyer

Keeps threatening to call her lawyer.

You remember Mrs. Hardy?

She's organizing the PTA into a lynching party!

Take me home! Oh Mother Father Take me home! I hate Bayville

It's time I faced the truth, these kids are too wild and uncouth!

I want to come home! Let me make this plain,

This place is insane! Oh please don't make me stay!

I can't take another insane day!

Once again the gym's been destroyed

I'm really starting to get annoyed!

Those Brotherhood kids are still fighting

And there's been another blue demon sighting!

Wait a minute, what's that noise?

It's the sound of screaming girls and boys.

This place just gets better and better.

Mother, Father if you don't hear from me send the FBI this letter!

He ran outside to see what was really going on.


	10. Now What?

**Now What?**

Principal Kelly stepped out of his office to view the latest chaos to befall his school. Kids and teachers were running for their lives. "Okay now what is going on?" He shouted. "More monsters?"

"BAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"What the..?" He stammered as a flock of goats ran through the halls. They nearly trampled him. "OWWWW! OW! WHO LET THESE ANIMALS IN HERE?" 

Unseen by Kelly around the corner, the Brotherhood whistled quietly. "Well that's one way of getting out of a math test," Lance shrugged. 

About an hour and several bandages later, Principal Kelly staggered back into his office. "I can't take this," He muttered. "Now I nearly get trampled by rampaging goats! What's next?"

The intercom buzzed. "Yes," Kelly sighed. "What is it now Dorothy?"

"A Mr.Good is out here. He wants a word with you."

"Send him in," Kelly sighed. In came a huge bearded farmer. He was not happy.

"Are you the polecat who stole my goats?" He snapped. 

"No I am not!" Kelly snapped. "Some of my students must have swiped them as a prank."

"Well who did it?" Mr. Good slammed his fist on Kelly's desk. "I want answers! I want justice! I want my goats!"

"An investigation is currently underway," Kelly started to perspire. "As for your goats they are…"

"BAAHH!" 

"Running loose in the hallways," Kelly groaned. "Dorothy hasn't anyone rounded those blasted goats up yet?" 

"Don't you bad mouth my precious goats!" Mr. Good snapped and made a fist. 

"No one is bad mouthing your sweet little goats," Kelly gulped. 

"You are! You are gonna pay for that!" Mr. Good started chasing Kelly around the office. He cornered Kelly and threw a punch. He missed. Kelly swung feebly in self-defense and hit him on the nose. "AGGH! You hit me! You hit me! Aggh! Blood!" He gasped as he saw a trickle of blood coming out of his nose. 

"It certainly is!" Kelly snapped and started chasing the farmer around the office. 

That was when Kitty came in with a goat on a leash. "Principal Kelly I got one of them where would you…HEY!" The goat broke away and butted Kelly in the behind.

"GET 'EM GERALDINE!" Mr. Good whooped as it chased Kelly around the office.

"What happened to my life?" Kelly screamed. "What did I do to deserve this? Why? OW! Why? OW! Why? OWWWWCH!" 


	11. He's Ba-ack!

**I got this idea after watching the first few minutes of 'Retreat". And the Kelly torture just continues….**

He's Ba-ack!

After the goat incident things were relatively quiet for a week or so. Eventually the monsters were temporarily forgotten. The crisis of hair, acne, and dating soon overshadowed the monsters in the lives of the majority of the teenage population at Bayville. The parents had calmed down from the hysteria, many of them insisting that it was all an elaborate hoax perpetrated by pranksters. Kelly thought the worst was behind him.

Until he came to school one day to find the window of the science lab smashed in. 

Kelly had done the sensible thing, called the police for an investigation. He would have been better off ignoring it all together.

"Who could have done this?" He asked the two officers.

"Oh it was that big blue monster," One of them said casually. "The one that wrecked the lab in the first place a while back. That McCoy fellow."

"WHAT?" Kelly yelped. 

"Yup it was him all right," The other nodded. "Big, blue and hairy. Couldn't miss it. We saw it hanging around the campus, chased it down an alley, it jumped on our car and escaped. You have any coffee?"

"THAT MANIAC HAS BEEN HANGING AROUND MY SCHOOL CAUSING DAMAGE AND YOU JUST CALMLY STAND THERE ASKING FOR COFFEE?" Kelly screamed. "WHY DIDN'T YOU ARREST HIM?"

"Well it kind of happened fast y'know," One of the cops looked at him. "Besides you should have seen what he did to our squad car! Gave me the creeps. I don't know if I'll ever get over it! Hey! Do I smell cookies?"

"Yeah how do you expect us to catch him? Tell him to pull over and lie down on the ground?" The other cop said. "The handcuffs probably wouldn't even fit him! Hey you're right there are cookies around here!"

"That's the home economics class down the hall," Kelly sighed. "I can't believe that monster came back! Why would he come back to the lab? And where are you going?"

"We just want to get some cookies," One of the cops said as they went down the hall. "I have a theory. Oh may I?" He asked the Home Ec. Teacher. 

"Help yourself," She smiled as they took a cookie each.

"Hmm," One of the cops purred. "Now that is a good cookie."

"Reminds me of the cookies my grandma used to make," The other said.

"Oh you should taste my wife's cookies. She makes a chocolate chip and butterscotch that you wouldn't believe." The cop said.

"You want to talk about homemade recipes, my sister can make these wonderful peppermint topped cookies."

"Peppermint? That sounds weird."

"No they're great. You've had them before. Remember at the last Christmas party? You scarfed down six of those."

"Wait a minute are you talking about those ones with the white icing?"

"That's them."

"I loved those! Yeah those were…" 

"WILL YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT COOKIES AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR THEORY IS?" Kelly shouted.

"Geeze ya don't have to yell," The cop looked at him. "It's simple actually. Well the lab is where he turned into a monster right? Well maybe he's trying to find a way to change back subconsciously. I mean that's what I would do. It's not exactly rocket science here."

"Yeah it is pretty obvious," The second cop nodded. "I mean to the trained policeman it is. We are specially trained to think and be on high alert. Excuse me but do you have any coffee?" He asked the Home Ec teacher. She poured him some. "Oh thank you so very much. That's a good cup of Joe." 

"You know that is a good cup of coffee," The first cop nodded. "It reminds me of the coffee they served…"

"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Kelly screamed and started tearing at his hair. "THAT MANIAC MAY BE PROWLING THE GROUNDS TO GET BACK INTO THIS SCHOOL AND ENDANGER EVERYONE'S LIVES AND ALL YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IS FOOD? HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM? HOW CAN YOU JUST STAND THERE STUFFING YOUR FACES WHILE THAT BLUE MONSTER IS OUT THERE TERRORIZING THE CITY?" 

"Well what would you like us to do?" The first cop looked at him cynically. "Run around like chickens with their heads cut of screaming 'The monster is coming! The monster is coming! Run for your lives it the giant hairball of death?' No good is going to come of panicking."

"Or working on an empty stomach," The second cop nodded. 

"I mean the monster doesn't show itself in daylight and it comes around when the school is deserted," The first cop said. "It follows a precise pattern of behavior. I mean it's not like it's going to simply walk up in broad daylight and say: 'Here I am!' now is it? Besides, now that I think about it, with all the things I've seen on this job, blue monsters are hardly the scariest thing I've seen."

"Oh I know," The second cop said. "I mean with a job like ours you have to take it all in stride or you'll go bonkers. Remember that shoot out two years ago on Mulholand Drive? Now that was hairy. Gave me nightmares for weeks."

"I know. What about that raid on that rave a year ago? Now that was scary!"

"Yeah and what about that drug bust that went sour three weeks ago? I tell you a friend of mine was lucky to get out of that alive!" 

"Now don't get me wrong, having a huge blue hairy monster trash our squad car was frightening I'll give you that. But compared to some of the human characters we run across…"

"I know. Take that white supremacist who wanted to blow up that middle school. Now there's a real monster!"

"Remember the lady who ate her husbands? All eight of them?"

"Yeah and what about child pornographers? Remember that one in West Bayville…?

"I can't stand it," Kelly groaned. "I can't stand it…" 


	12. Let's Keep This to Ourselves...

**Let's Keep This to Ourselves…**

"Mrs. Sims I need to have a word with you," Kelly spoke to the Home Ec. teacher after the police left. "You too Dorothy." 

His secretary came in and closed the door. "Look I am going to talk with the other teachers later but McCoy is back."

"Oh Mr. McCoy is back how lovely!" Mrs. Sims clapped her hands. "I can make some lovely lemon tarts celebrating his return."

"No Mrs. Sims he's not back teaching!" Kelly groaned. "He's been prowling around the grounds again! He tried to get back into the lab last night!"

"Didn't he have his key?" Mrs. Sims looked confused. 

"Of course he didn't have his key!" Kelly shouted.

"He lost his key? Maybe you should make him a new one?" Mrs. Sims asked.

Dorothy and Kelly looked at each other. "Mrs. Sims have you been inhaling candle fumes again?" Dorothy asked. 

"Mr. McCoy is the nut who turned into a blue monster that attacked me a few months ago!" Kelly reminded her.

"Oh," Mrs. Sims said. "So not a member of the staff then?"

"No," They both said. 

"Look I don't want this news passed around the school!" Kelly said. "The last thing we need is to cause a panic!"

Little did Kelly know that everyone in the entire building was listening in on their conversation thanks to the intercom. "I don't want the students to worry about McCoy coming back and terrorizing the building. The last thing we need around here is another round of hysteria. Remember the monsters at the dance? The school barely recovered from that fiasco! I was lucky not to be lynched by the PTA! So not a word to anyone about him coming back on the grounds of the school at night okay?" 

"You're right," Mrs. Sims said. "The last thing the kids need is another thing to get worked up over. Who knows where it might lead?" 

"Exactly! So no more talk of blue monsters! Okay?" Kelly said.

Nearly the entire student population of Bayville gulped at that moment. "What was that?" Kelly said. "I thought I heard…HAS THIS THING BEEN ON THE WHOLE TIME! HOW DO YOU TURN THIS THING OFF?" The intercom shut off. Then it went on. "Oh Hello students, that was an excerpt from a play we were reading. Yeah that sounds good. Just a play. So just ignore what we just said and go back to what you were doing."

"Oh and you might not want to hang around school after hours," Mrs. Sim's voice came on. "Just in case the monster comes back."

"DON'T TELL THEM THAT! FOR CRYING OUT…" Kelly shut off the intercom. 

"Oh goody," Kitty grumbled. "Bayville High has just become a whole lot more interesting today." 


	13. It's For You...

**It's For You…**

It was only 8:00 am when Kelly accidentally let the news of McCoy's little visit slip. Being the considerate children they were, some of them decided to notify their parents in the hope of closing down the school. By 8:30 five irate parents had already called. 

"No, no Mrs. Sanders," Kelly smiled and put on his best phony voice. "There is absolutely no danger to the students at this school. No that did not happen. Yes I realize Mr. McCoy is still out there but he hasn't been sighted at Bayville. That turned out to be just a rumor. The wind. It was the wind that trashed the window of the lab that's all. Yes well you know how exaggerated these stories get. Oh yes. Thank you. No it's not a bother, I'm just glad I could put your mind at ease. Goodbye Mrs. Sanders."

He sighed as he went to another call. "Five down, fifteen to go. Oh hello there Mrs. Hardy. Yes I think I can guess to what you're calling about. Well let me tell you what's really going on. The window in the lab was destroyed by the wind. That's right. No blue monster did that. What do you mean? Mrs. Hardy how can you accuse me of lying? Of course there was a wind last night. Now Mrs. Hardy how can you know that the window wasn't destroyed by the wind? Because your brother in law was on duty when the police called in about the monsters. Okay. I see. Um. Okay you caught me. Yes he was spotted but the police chased him away and we are taking precautions that …Well that's not fair. Look I am trying to stave off widespread panic. No good is going to come if all the students are afraid now…Yes. Yes. I know you're the president of the PTA, how could I forget? You remind me of it every other day. There's no need for language like that! Now that is not fair! If you recall there were demon sightings when Darkholme was principal. DON'T SHOUT IN MY EAR! Now wait a minute! Oh yeah? Well if your precious Darkholme was so great why did she disappear without a trace? Oh that is ridiculous. I did not call you ridiculous! Just your idea. Now wait a minute! But…but…but…but…but…Oh yeah! Well for your information I have been running an investigation for over two weeks now! Well nothing! Okay fine! Go ahead and call him!" 

Kelly slammed the phone down. "Tattletale!" He fumed. He ignored all the other calls and punched in another number. "Hello? Bayville Package Store? Do you deliver?" 


	14. Monster Patrol

**Monster Patrol**

After twenty-seven phone calls Kelly could take no more. He staggered out of his office and decided to patrol the halls for a little while to calm his nerves. The bell had rung and students were passing to their next class. 

"Principal Kelly!" A few students ran up to him. "Is it true you're going to close the school down?"

"No, no Faith, Mindy. The school will not be closed down," Kelly sighed for the fortieth time that day. 

"But what if those monsters come back?" Mindy's eyes grew wide.

"They're not going to come back," Kelly told her,

"How do you know?" Faith asked. 

"Look we are going to take care of the problem," Kelly reassured them. "Don't worry."

"I hope when you say you're taking care of the problem you mean you are going to do more than send out those Brotherhood goons to patrol the halls," Mindy pouted.

"WHAT?" Kelly yelped. "They are doing what?"

"Look for yourself," Faith pointed. There was the Brotherhood in military fatigues directing traffic.

"Okay now move it along," Tabitha called out. "Let's go people! We don't have all day now!"

There was a group of students outside one classroom. Fred came out. "Okay people this classroom is secure! No monsters in here!" 

"Okay now step lively!" Todd was directing traffic. "Move it! Move it! Move it! Ow! Okay who threw that? You're on report buddy!" 

"Ladies here is your classroom," Pietro escorted three young beauties inside. They giggled and waved. "If you need any more help going to class just call me!" 

"Okay people there's the bell!" Lance called out. "Come on, get to class! Move it! Move it! Move it! Hey You! Get going!" 

"What are you doing?" Kelly moaned, feeling another major migraine coming on.

"We are patrolling the halls for monsters!" Todd saluted. 

"Yeah somebody's gotta keep the halls safe for students around here," Lance told him. "You guys sure ain't doing nothing." 

"Anything," Kelly corrected. "We aren't doing anything."

"I'll say you're not!" Fred snapped. "So we decided to do it ourselves!" 

"Great just what I need around here, a vigilante force!" Kelly rolled his eyes. "Do your teachers know you're out here?"

"Are you kidding? They insisted we do this!" Pietro said. "They said they'd feel safer with us patrolling the halls outside of class." 

"Oh lord," Kelly put his head in his hands. 

"Come on we gotta patrol the bathrooms," Pietro said. "No telling when those furry blue monsters will strike next!" 

"Nobody is going to do anything!" Kelly snapped. 

"Well somebody has to do something!" Lance snapped. "Hey you're the one who's always telling us to get involved! Well this is our way of getting involved!" 

"You wouldn't want us to shirk our civic duty now would you?" Todd asked.

"Listen this is not a job for students," Kelly told them.

"Oh and who is it a job for?" Lance asked. "Some fat rent-a-cop who's gonna spend all his time munching doughnuts and napping in the office supply room?"

"Hey why waste school money when I can do that for free?" Fred asked. 

"Yeah you're the one who's always telling us to use our special talents," Tabitha said. "Ours just happen to be doing damage. We wanna put that to good use and do damage on the monsters! Hey what have you got to lose but your job?"

"Come on Kelly!" Pietro said. "We can do this! If we see a monster all we have to do is get Fred here to sit on one and bam! We got him!" 

"I don't know what's more insane," Kelly groaned. "The fact that you delinquents want to help or the fact that I am seriously considering letting you do this!"

"Hold it!" Todd pointed out the window. "Is that a monster?"

"WHERE?" Kelly jumped. 

"Outside!" Todd yelled. "Let's get him!"

"CHARGE!" Fred yelled as he and the others ran outside. 

"Why me?" Kelly moaned as he ran after them. "Will you hang on a minute and…THAT'S NOT A MONSTER! PUT HIM DOWN!" 

Fred held a man in a bright blue suit up high by the collar. "Well from a distance he looked like a blue monster," Todd said.

"KELLY!" The man screamed. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"

"We're Bayville High's Monster Patrol!" Lance saluted. "Keeping the school safe from monsters! Who are you?"

"I am the Superintendent of the School District," The man snarled. 

"Oh great!" Fred let him down. "Then you'll be happy to know that the monster problem is well in hand. In fact this patrol was Principal Kelly's idea!"

"No wait a minute!" Kelly gulped. "Superintendent I can explain…"  
"Don't be so modest!" Tabitha elbowed Kelly. "Having students take personal responsibility instead of renting a cop to protect school grounds was a stroke of genius! Saves money on the school funds!" 

"Kelly," The Superintendent glared at him. "I think we need to have a little talk in your office. NOW!" 

Kelly groaned. He couldn't take any more. This simply was not his day. Then he looked at the front lawn of the school. Someone had put a sign up. 

"WHO PUT **THAT **ON THE LAWN?" Kelly shouted. 

The sign read: **BEWARE OF MONSTERS. The school is not responsible if you get eaten!**

Pietro looked at him. "What? You want to get sued or something?" 


	15. What Fred and Todd Heard in the Principa...

**What Fred and Todd Heard in the Principal's Office**

Todd put his ear close to the door. "Wow that Superintendent guy is really laying into Kelly man." 

Fred frowned. "Now that wasn't very nice," He commented on what he heard. 

"Such crude language," Todd tutted.

"Man this was a great idea of Pietro's," Fred snickered. 

"Yeah, not only did the 'Monster Patrol' idea get us outta class for a while, but it also gives us the added bonus of Kelly getting in trouble!" Todd snickered. "Plus the basic idea of misdirection. If we patrol the halls for 'monsters', nobody'd expect us of knowing what's really going on!" 

"Nobody thinks that anyway," Fred grumbled. "They think we're too stupid to know what's going on."

"That's true," Todd sighed. "Now that is not fair. Okay Kelly's an idiot but I wouldn't call him an incompetent idiot!" 

"Where are Pietro, Lance and Tabby anyway?" Fred asked. "They're missing a great show!"

"Well Lance went to chemistry to see his little Kitty-Kat and Speedy and Boom Boom are out doing some damage."

"Oh," Fred nodded. "Great. Now Kelly has to hire a real rent-a-cop! Terrific!"

"Ah it's nothing we can't handle," Todd waved it off. "Lance and Pietro will think of something to do with him. Whoa. Hey I didn't know that principals could get written up for detention! Can he do that?"

"He said suspension not detention," Fred told him. "Clean out your ears Toad!" 

Todd did so with his finger. Fred kept listening. "Wow that PTA lady really has it in for him!" He scribbled something in a notepad. "I'm telling you Toad this is a gold mine of information!" 

"We should get a bug or something and put it in the principal's office," Todd said.

"Wouldn't Kelly just squash it?" Fred asked puzzled.

"Not that kinda bug you dope!" Todd snapped. "A wire! A hidden microphone!"

"Oh," Fred said. "Uh oh, here they come."

They both stood on the sides of the door. They saluted when the door opened. The Superintendent gave them funny looks. "Principal Kelly we wanna ask you something," Todd said. "When are we gonna get them electric cattle prods you promised us?"

"KELLY!" The Superintendent screamed.

"We just wanna help," Todd said innocently.

"Do me a favor," Kelly groaned. "Don't!" 


	16. Get Us Out of Here!

****

Time for another musical interlude folks! This is a parody of the song "Honestly Sincere" from Bye Bye Birdie! For some reason this song just fit in my deranged mind! Just when Kelly thought his day couldn't get any worse…he has to go to a teacher's meeting!

Get Us Out of Here!

Kelly enters a class for a teacher's meeting after school. Needless to say the mood is not a happy one. "Well I'm glad you are all here today."

Mrs. Hawkins snapped, "We're not! What the heck are you doing Kelly? In all my years as a teacher I've never encountered anything like this!"

Mr. Birdie, a teacher that has a strange resemblance to a blond Elvis spoke, "Yeah! Look what happened today to poor Carl over here!" He pointed to a man huddled in the corner.

Kelly asked, "What happened to him?"

Mr. Birdie snapped, "What happened? The vending machines exploded in the teacher's lounge and then a twister came and wrecked the place with him in it! That's what happened!"

Carl whimpered, "Boom! Twister! Went around, and around, and around, and around…"

Mr. Birdie snapped, "Look at him! He's a shell of his former self, man!"

"And around, and around, and around…"

Mr. Sherman, another teacher spoke up, "Principal Kelly let me say in all my years of teaching I have never felt such terror to come to school in my life. And that includes the three years I spent in inner city schools where even the janitors carried guns and switchblades! With all the crazy stuff going on I never know if each day is going to be my last on Earth!"

Kelly sighed, "Don't you think you guys are exaggerating? Dorothy…?"

Dorothy shook her head, "Don't look at me, I'm with them! I lived in California so I'm used to earthquakes. But monsters…forget it!"

Carl cried out, "Monsters! Blue demon! I saw it two weeks ago! AGGGH!"

Mrs. Hawkins spoke up, "That's another thing! Blue demon sightings in the boy's bathroom, demons at the school dance, and now McCoy is back terrorizing the grounds! This is insane! We can't take much more of this!"

Kelly told her, "We are doing everything we can!"

Mrs. Hawkins snapped back, "Well it's not enough! The only intelligent thing you've done is let the Brotherhood patrol the halls!"

Kelly snapped, "I did not let them patrol the halls!"

Mr. Sherman shouted, "Don't tell me you're not letting them patrol the halls! Maybe we'll get lucky and the monsters will eat them!"

Kelly said, "Look I have been talking to the Superintendent today…"

Dorothy added, "More like yelled at by him."

Kelly added, "If I may continue. Anyway I have been cleared to employ a full time security agent for the school's safety."

Mr. Birdie shouted, "A RENT-A-COP? Oh great! That's all we need around here!" The teachers all start grumbling and shouted at him.

Kelly shouted, "People! People! Let me have a word here."

Mr. Birdie shouted back, "Let me have a word with you! Walkout!"

Kelly pleaded, "No! Wait! You can't seriously consider a strike!"

Mrs. Hawkins snapped, "Consider it? We've already voted on it! If those things aren't gone soon, **we'll** all be gone soon!"

Kelly said, "You can't be serious! We don't even know where these things came from! I've had scientists in here and they can't find a thing! How do you expect me to do get rid of …of whatever these things are?"

Mrs. Hawkins snapped, "How do you expect us to do our jobs with those things all around us? We've had it! We're mad as heck and we're not gonna take it anymore!"

Mr. Birdie began to sing, "_Let me make this clear, you gotta get them out of here!_

You gotta get them out of here, get rid of our fear, of this we are honestly sincere!

If what you say is true, then there's a lot more you need to do!

The others feel that way too! Write this down now!

Our demands you gotta hear. Let me make this clear,

If you don't get rid of them we're gonna walk out of here!

If you're really sincere, about getting them out of here!

Then get them outta here! Then get rid of them right now Kelly!

Kelly pleaded, "Mr. Birdie listen…"

Mr. Birdie snapped, "Shut up! You listen! Sit down!

__

We don't care if they're demons, monsters or ghosts!

If you don't stop this, your career is toast!

Don't lie! Look me in the eye!

Kelly: _I don't even have to try! I'm telling you I'm sincere!_

When I say what I'm gonna do! I will do what I said I'd do!

I'm not gonna lie! I'm gonna do, not just try!

I mean it! I'm really sincere!

The teachers then went into a dance number for some reason.

Mr. Birdie sang, " _If you're really sincere…"_

Mrs. Hawkins sang, "_And not just talking out of your rear…"_

Mr. Sherman sang, "_You'll get those things out of here!"_

Dorothy sang, "_I'll believe it when I see it!"_

Kelly shouted, "Come on guys! Help me!"

Mrs. Hawkins shouted, "Suffer!"

The teachers danced all around the classroom into the halls, chasing Kelly.

__

You gotta get us all out of here! Oh oh oh! We can't take it any more here! We're not gonna take it! Ooooohhh yeah!

They chased him around the halls some more and corner him into a classroom.

Mr. Birdie sang, "_Let me make this clear, we're gonna walk right out of here!"_

Teachers shouted, "YEAH!"

Mr. Birdie snapped, "_We can't take no more fear,_ _we're gonna walk right out of here!"_

"YEAH!"

Mr. Birdie snapped, "_Not gonna take any more fear, just gonna walk right out of here!"_

"YEAH!"

They started throwing erasers at Kelly. Kelly runs out in the halls and the teachers follow.

Mr. Birdie snapped, "_Things around here are way too queer, just gonna walk right out of here!"_

"YEAH!" They chased him around some more and throw chalkboard erasers at him until he falls to the ground. They keep throwing erasers.

Mr. Birdie snapped, "You have two weeks Kelly! After that… We're out of here!"

They threw a few more erasers for good measure, then walked away. Kelly muttered, "Well that went better than I thought."

****

Coming up in a week or two, Rent-A-Cops, more insanity, nervous breakdowns for all, and maybe a possible teacher's strike! And another musical number or two.


	17. Tell Me All About It

**Tell Me All About It**

Risty just happened to be walking along the hallways the next day when she saw Kelly. He did not look to well. "Principal Kelly? You don't look so good. What's wrong?" 

"Nothing's wrong Risty," Kelly sighed. 

"Now that's not true," Risty took him by the arm and maneuvered him into an empty classroom. "You shouldn't keep these things bottled up. Come on now, tell me!" 

"Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine," Kelly said.

"Nothing except the monsters popping up everywhere, Mr. McCoy is terrorizing the school, the vending machines exploding every other day, the earthquakes, the Superintendent breathing down your neck and the possibility of a teacher's strike," Risty said casually. 

"How did you know that?" Kelly yelped.

"I have my methods," Risty said smugly.

"Oh I don't know what I'm going to do!" Kelly looked like he was going to cry. 

"There, there," Risty comforted him by patting him on the shoulder. "Now why don't you tell me all about it?" She sat down across from him. She seemed to have a look that tried to be helpful but was more a look of sadistic glee on her face. 

"Risty, I know you think that adults have it easy, but being a principal is a very hard job," Kelly sighed.

"I can only imagine the strain you must be under," Risty said in her most sympathetic tone. 

"You have no idea," Kelly moaned, putting his head in his hands. "I mean it's hard enough with normal troublemakers and budget cuts, it's even **harder **with troublemakers like the Brotherhood and those Institute kids, and it's nearly impossible with all the other stuff going on! What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? I'm not a bad guy! Really! I'm not! I like people and little animals and birds! I give to the poor. I try to be nice to everybody. I like being a principal and helping children. So why am I constantly tormented? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?" He banged his head on the desk.

"Oh pooooor Principal Kelly," Risty said in a concerned tone. She patted his shoulder and handed him a tissue. "There, there…Now blow your nose," He did so. "I know it seems hard, but cheer up! No problem is so big you can't overcome it." The bell rang. "Of course it's not my problem. Oops! That's the bell. Gotta go to study hall and talk to Rogue to see where the parties are this weekend! Maybe we'll just hang out and listen to records. Simple carefree teenage stuff. Oh well I'm sure you'll work it out! Bye!" She skipped out of the room.

Kelly could have sworn that seconds later he heard the sound of maniacal laugher ringing through the halls. 


	18. Contestant Number One

**Contestant Number One…**

"Ah Mr. Woodeast," Principal Kelly smiled at the burly security guard. "I'm so glad you could join us. Welcome to Bayville!" 

Mr. Woodeast glared at Kelly. Kelly backed down nervously. "Now I'm sure that you should have no trouble at all Mr. Woodeast."

"The only trouble I'm gonna have at Bayville," Mr. Woodeast said carefully. "Is whether to stuff that overgrown ape or make him into a fur rug." 

"Y-Yes," Kelly gulped nervously. "Well I certainly feel safer with you on the job so…"

"So I'd better get to it," Mr. Woodeast walked out without a word.

He started to patrol the halls and saw Pietro and Fred walking down the halls. "Where's your hall pass, punks?" He snarled.

"Um Fred here ate it," Pietro motioned to Fred.

"I did not!" Fred snapped. 

Woodeast grabbed Pietro by the front of his shirt. "Problem officer?" Pietro gulped. 

"Yeah," Woodeast growled. "Smart mouthed punks like you are my problem! It's jerks like you that give schools a bad name!"

"All we're doing is going to class late," Pietro snapped. "We're hardly bringing down the entire educational system!"

"WRONG!" Woodeast shook him hard. "It's attitudes like that which is bringing down the entire country's educational system! This great nation is being thrown to the wolves due to students like you!"

"Hey take it easy!" Fred tried to free Pietro, but Woodeast growled at him. 

"Stay out of my way Tubby!" He snarled. "I'm gonna keep my eye on you jerks! Consider this a warning! You're lucky my first priority is to hunt down monsters and the so-called demon! Now get out of my face punk!" He tossed Pietro to the ground and stomped away.

"How rude!" Fred huffed.

"Of course you realize this means war," Pietro growled as he got up and brushed himself off. Then he got an evil look in his eye.

An hour later Mr. Woodeast was patrolling the halls when Pietro popped out of the bathroom. "Help!" he waved wildly. "Blue Demon!"

"If this is a trick…" Woodeast growled as he came up to him. 

"No, no, no, no!" Pietro hopped up and down. "I was in the bathroom and it came out and attacked me so I hit it and it fell backwards into the toilet! Hurry before it gets away!"

"Fine," Woodeast grumbled as he followed Pietro inside.

"Come in quick!" Pietro cried out. "It's trapped in this stall right here! I think it's unconscious! I think it's dead! What's the one place in the world that you've always wanted to go?"

"What?" Woodeast blinked.

"It's very important," Pietro said. "What's the one place that you have always dreamed of going but could never afford to go?"

"Kid now is not the…" Woodeast began.

"It's important!" Pietro snapped. "Sir."

"Well if you must know I always wanted to go to Paris," Woodeast sighed.

"That's all I wanted to know!" Tabitha came out of the bathroom stall wearing a tiara and a shiny pink ballet outfit with a wand. She waved it about. "And so you shall! Presto! Change-o!" 

That was when Fred hit Woodeast from behind with a small wooden mallet. "Ooh, look at the fairy dust," Woodeast exclaimed before falling to the ground. 

"Why Pietro that's not a blue demon," Fred quipped. "That's the Brotherhood Fairy Princess!" 

"Oh well. My mistake. Okay guys phase two!" Pietro nodded. "Lance, Toad! Bring in the box!" 

Four hours later…

"What do you mean the security guard is **missing**?" Kelly shouted into the phone. "How the heck can you loose a security guard? Where is he?"  
At the Bayville airport a plane bound for Paris took off. In the plane was a box for the Paris Zoo. The contents on the box were: **Beware of the Gorilla! Open with caution! Do not feed the Animal! **On the ground were the Brotherhood, wearing berets and singing the French National Anthem without the words.

"Au Revior! Mon ami!" Pietro blew a kiss at the plane. 

"Bon Voyagieee!" Todd sang out waving the French flag. 

"Have fun at the Eiffel Tower!" Lance waved. 

"Have fun at the real Moulin Rouge!" Tabitha waved a handkerchief. 

"Eat a lot of French food and stuff!" Fred called out. "Goodbye!"

"Good luck!" Todd sang out.

"Good Riddance," Pietro dusted his hands. 


	19. Contestant Number Two

**Contestant Number Two…**

"I can't believe Mr. Woodeast just took off like that!" Kelly groaned.

"I know it's hard to believe," A tall blond man sat across from Kelly. "Next to me, he was the agency's top man. And you haven't heard from him since yesterday morning?"

"Not a trace of him couldn't be found," Kelly shook his head. "I must say it's good of the agency to send another security agent so quickly."

"Well it's not your fault that Woodeast took off," The man said.

"Well I hope this works out with you Mr. Corbert," Kelly shook his hand. "Now you do realize that this school has had some…special problems."

"Yeah the so-called 'demon' sightings," Mr. Corbert laughed. "Kids pulling pranks."

"Well I'm not so sure…"

"Don't worry Mr. Kelly, I'll get to the bottom of it," Mr. Corbert smiled and went to patrol the halls. 

"Well," Kelly sighed. "At least this one is actually polite."

"Demon sightings," Mr. Corbert snickered. "Now that is ridiculous. Ah yes, now that's what I'd like to see. Nice quiet hallways. Kids in classrooms…" 

Something fast ran behind him. "Who's there?" Corbert asked whirling around. He saw the door to the boy's bathroom swing slightly, as if someone had gone through it. "Okay who's in here?" He asked as he walked inside. There was no one around. "Huh, must have been my imagination. Well while I'm here I might as well…." He opened the door to one of the stalls.

And came face to face with a monstrous red beast with huge teeth. 

"Mommy…" Corbert gulped, not even bothering to pull down his pants to relive the sudden pressure in his bladder. The beast roared. Corbert ran for dear life.

Meanwhile near the entrance of the school, Kelly was examining the latest graffiti art on the walls when he saw Corbert running by for dear life. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE MONSTERS ARE GONNA EAT US! HELP! I WANT MY MOMMY! I DON'T WANNA BE A SECURITY GUARD ANY MORE! I WANNA BE A CLOWN AND MAKE BALLOON ANIMALS!"

'Oh no," Kelly groaned. "Not another one…" 

Back in the bathroom the beast transformed itself back into Risty. "Well why should the Brotherhood have all the fun?" She asked herself and went on her merry way. 


	20. Contestant Number Three

**Contestant Number Three…**

"Well I'm glad to meet you Ms. Prime," Kelly said cheerfully. "I'm sure everything will work out this time." 

"I can't believe those wimps chickened out on a simple assignment," Ms. Prime, a tall muscular brunette shook her head. 

"Yes well I guess it just wasn't meant to be," Kelly gulped. 

"Sir, our agency prides itself on sending its best agents," Prime snapped. "Those two men deserting their post is unforgivable!"

"Yes well," Kelly handed her a floor plan. "Be on the lookout for anything…unusual."

"Yes sir," Ms. Prime walked out briskly. For an hour she patrolled the school. _It's so quiet in here,_ She thought. _This is a piece of cake! How can anyone mess this up is beyond…_

She then spotted a blonde girl putting something in a vending machine. She wasn't sure of what it was, but it didn't look like money. "Hey you there!" She stormed up next to her. "What do you think you're…"

She didn't get to finish because at that very second the vending machine exploded. One of the soda cans smacked her on the forehead and knocked her out cold. 

"Oh my god," Tabitha looked around. "I think I killed her!" She checked her pulse. "Oh no I didn't." She grabbed a soda and the loose change on the floor and took off down the hall. 

Shortly after Kelly stood there astounded as the paramedics started to wheel Ms. Prime into the ambulance. "Ms. Prime what happened?" He yelped.

"_Oh here we go round the mulberry bush_," Prime sang. _"The mulberry bush, the mulberry bush…"_

"Sir she suffered a severe concussion," One of the paramedics said. "It appears she was hit in the head with a flying soda can. One of the vending machines seems to have exploded."

"DID ANYONE SEE THIS?" Kelly shouted, looking around. Tabitha casually filed her nails and whistled, trying to look inconspicuous. 

"Ms. Prime don't you remember anything?" Kelly asked as she was wheeled away.

"Of course I remember everything!" Prime said defiantly. "I'm Blossom! The leader of the Powerpuff Girls! Vrooom!" She made flying noises.

"Dorothy," Kelly moaned as the ambulance went roaring down the driveway. "Call the agency again. We're gonna need another security guard." 


	21. Number Four, You're Up!

**Number Four, You're Up!**

Later that afternoon Jean cornered Tabitha in the library. "Tabitha!" Jean hissed.

"That's my name don't wear it out," Tabitha remarked. "So what do you want Red? Fashion tips by the look of it."

"How could you do that to the poor security guard?" Jean snapped.

"Security guard?" Tabitha put on an innocent look. "What security guard?"

"The one you knocked out cold with your powers," Jean folded her arms. 

"Did you go into my mind to find out that little tidbit?" Tabitha snapped.

"I didn't have to!" Jean told her. "The vending machine had your handiwork written all over it! Who else explodes vending machines around here?" 

"Well I don't want to tell tales," Tabitha said. "But Ray and Jubilee have been having a little trouble lately. Go bother them will ya?" 

"Tabitha because you couldn't keep your powers under control someone got hurt!" Jean snapped. "Don't you feel any remorse at all?"

"Of course I'm sorry," Tabitha snapped. "Sorry it wasn't you!"

"AGGGH" Jean snapped. Before she realized it she telekinetically shoved over the bookshelf. To her horror she heard someone moaning. They looked over and saw a security guard lying unconscious on the floor under piles of books.

"Oops," Jean gulped.

"You were saying?" Tabitha smirked.

"It was an accident!" Jean snapped.

"Maybe you should work on keeping your powers under control Red," Tabitha laughed. 

"We gotta help him," She knelt down to check his pulse. Then a teacher came by.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Um…" Jean gulped.

"Don't look at us," Tabitha shrugged. "We found him like this. Right Red?" 

"Uh yeah," Jean said, not wanting to look the teacher in the eye.

Soon the ambulance was making its second trip to Bayville that day. "Dorothy…" Kelly moaned to his secretary.

"Don't worry," Dorothy sighed. "I got the number on speed-dial." 


	22. We Need an Exorcist, I Mean it!

**We Need an Exorcist, I Mean It!**

"I don't believe this," Kelly groaned as he poured himself a scotch. "Four security guards in three days! It's impossible. We must have set some sort of record. Did you get a hold of the agency Dorothy?" 

"Yeah," She took the scotch away from him and downed it herself. "They're going to send two of them for the night. I'm amazed they haven't caught on by now. They still think it's their employee's fault." 

"Well at least I can relax a little tonight and get some work done," Kelly sighed. "It will be the first night in months I will feel safe to work late at the school." 

"I'll help you," Dorothy sighed. "I'm way behind on my paperwork. Too many accident reports to fill out."

That evening two security guards were patrolling the hallway. "You hear the rumors about this school Joe?" One asked.

"Yeah Bill, they say it's haunted," The other said. "Do you believe that?"

"Dunno, this place isn't nearly as scary as my mother-in-law's house," Bill told him. 

"What's going on over there?" Joe asked. He saw Kelly arguing with a group of strangely dressed kids. "Problem Kelly? Who are these kids?"

"Just call us Bayville's answer to ghost-busters!" Tabitha shouted. She was dressed in black. 

"We have come to drive out the evil spirits!" Pietro told him. He was dressed in a Shinto priest costume. 

"Us too!" Todd and Fred were dressed similarly. 

"It's time we had an exorcism!" Pietro waved a wand with several white pieces of paper attached to it.

"We are not going to do an exorcism!" Kelly groaned. "At least one done by amateurs." 

"But we have to do the exorcism!" Fred said. "To drive out the evil spirits!" 

"I'd rather you drive yourselves home!" Kelly told them. "Which reminds me where's Alvers?"

"He took off and left us," Todd said.

"Gee I wonder why?" Kelly groaned. "Gentlemen could you escort these individuals off the premises?" 

"Not before the monsters are caught and brought to justice!" Pietro and the others ran off, splitting up in several directions. 

"Oh wonderful," Kelly groaned.

"Don't worry, we'll get them," Joe told him and they took off in one direction, leaving Kelly behind. 

They wandered the hallways and heard a noise. They turned a corner and looked in shock as they saw two teens walk through one of the classroom doors. The problem was that the door was closed at the time. 

"Are you sure he went this way?" Lance asked.

"I'm sure of it!" Kitty said. "I can't believe that little jerk stowed away on one of our dates! Let's get him!" They walked through another wall, leaving the two unseen security guards staring after them in shock.

"Okay," Joe gulped. "Maybe there is something to this haunted school rumor." 

"Uh huh," Bill gulped. "Let's go this way huh?"

"Good idea," Joe said as they did an about face and went down another hallway. 

"Hey Joe," Bill asked. "Ever think about going into some other business?" 

"I've always dreamed of opening an ice cream store," Joe said.

"That's funny," Bill said. "I'm partial to making teddy bears myself." 

"Someone's coming!" Joe and Bill hid around the corner. To their surprise it was a twelve-year-old boy. 

"So this is what the high school looks like," Jamie marveled as he ran. He slid on the floor and fell on his butt, creating several copies of himself. 

"Aw man," Jamie's clones helped him up. "Uh oh, someone's coming! Come on everybody!" They all took off down another hallway. Bill and Joe staggered out and watched them disappear. 

"Joe tell me I didn't see what I thought I saw," Bill gulped.

"I can't tell you I saw it too!" Joe moaned. "Quick! Someone else is coming! Let's hide!" They did so. 

"Go away evil spirits!" Todd walked by with incense burning. "Go away! Come again some other day!" 

"Okay this one's normal," Bill grabbed Todd. "Well somewhat normal." 

"Beware the spirits!" Todd waved the incense stick around. 

"Oh man that reeks!" Joe gasped trying to wave the smoke away. 

"We must beware the sprits are coming!" Todd shouted.

"Well lucky for you that you are going!" Bill started to drag him away. Then a loud eerie laugh echoed through the hallway. "What was that?"

Suddenly a twister made up of paper blew through the hallway, attacking the security guards. They let Todd go and ran away screaming. When they disappeared, Pietro slowed down. "Well that was fun!" 

"Yeah," Todd laughed. "Hey let's see if we can torment Kelly some more with this bit!" 

"You're on!" Pietro laughed. 

Meanwhile the security guards ran for their lives. "Joe this place is nuts!" Bill said.

"You wanna quit this job and run up to Vermont to start our own ice cream and teddy bear store?" Joe asked.

"Good idea," Bill said and they both ran outside into their car and didn't stop until they crossed the Vermont border. 


	23. Why Don't We Get Drunk?

****

I don't own any Jimmy Buffet Songs as well as X-Men Evolution characters. I just had a very interesting idea….He, he…I'm so evil! I'll save this for later in the story. This picks up right after Joe and Bill fled for their lives.

Why Don't We Get Drunk?

Kelly and his secretary Dorothy were in his office. There are several bottles of beer and scotch all over the place. Both are slightly smashed. Kelly sighed. "Well we lost two more. We lost four today. One yesterday, one the day before and another one the day before so that makes…um…thirteen?"

Dorothy grumbled, "Who cares?"

Kelly snapped, "I do! My career is in the toilet. I'm gonna be fired, I know it. And I don't even know why this is happening to me. It's like someone out there really, really, really, really…really wants to see me suffer. I never did anything to anybody. Why me? Dorothy am I a bad guy?"

"No. No. In fact out of all the principals at Bayville…you are the nicest one I have ever worked under….for. Worked for."

"Really? How many principals have you worked with?"

"Counting you? Three. There's you, Ms. Darkholme. She had a lot of weird stuff happen to her too. And then there was Mr. Winkles. Everybody loved Mr. Winkles. He was the principal at Bayville for fifteen years. Right up until that mysterious accident."

"Accident?"

"Yeah, it was the weirdest thing. A train smashed his car while he was shaving in it while after it fell off a cliff. The very next day Ms. Darkholme came to the school and said she was the new principal, just like that. Darndest thing. You know what else is weird? Mr. Winkles had a long beard. What was he doing shaving?"

Kelly shrugged, "Maybe he wanted a new look?"

"He got it. You should have been at the funeral. He looked like a Frankenstein version of Raggedy Andy and Bozo the clown."

Kelly moaned, "Dorothy what am I gonna do?"

"Get drunk?"

Kelly downed another drink, "Good idea! It's not like I have a career to consider."

"Your career? I should have listened to my sister and become an exotic dancer. But noooooo! I had to be the respectable one! Well it's not like I had the legs for it anyway."

Kelly slurred, "Dorothy…you are a very attractive woman."

"Thank you. Nice to see I've still got it. Hey I just thought of something, are you married?"

Kelly frowned. "I …can't remember."

"Ah never mind, it's not that important anyway!"

Kelly began to sing, "Dorothy there's something I gotta tell you! _I really do appreciate the fact that you're sitting here! I'm sure glad you haven't run away screaming in terror and fear!"_

Dorothy began to sing back, "_So Eddie pour me another bottle! Another round will do…"_

Kelly sang, _Hey why don't we get drunk and…_

Let's do!

Both drank some more. A lot more and sang.

__

Why don't we get drunk? Let's do! There's crazy kids and wild demons that are furry and blue! We just can't take any more of this place sober, it's sad but true! So why don't we get drunk? Let's do!

Kelly slurred, "You wanna know a secret? Before I came to Bayville I never had a drink in my life!"

Dorothy agreed. "Just goes to show you what happens when you hang around teenagers too long! Alcohol doesn't kill brain cells. Teenagers do."

"I'll drink to that!"

****

(Both pretend that one bottle is a microphone and sing.)

__

Why don't we get drunk? Let's do! I just think there's better jobs in life for me and you! They think Bayville's cursed, and I'm starting to think that's true! So why don't we get drunk? Let's do! Why don't we get drunk? And…

Both gave each other a passionate kiss. They fall to the floor, hidden by the desk, oblivious of Todd videotaping them from the window.

Todd winced. "Aw yo man this is nasty! Somebody else come up here and tape this!"

Pietro popped up amused as he taped. "Well, well. Now here's something we can use for a special occasion!"

****

Oh I am going to have such fun with this later on! Don't know why no one else has thought of this yet! And yes I know in the comics that Kelly hates mutants because his wife was killed in a mutant attack. Well so what happens next? To be honest I have no clue…


	24. Living in My Dream World

**Living in My Dream World**

In his dream Principal Kelly found himself back at the Bayville soccer stadium. He had the announcement mike in his hands. "And now…the Bayville Hawks!" He announced the soccer team. They ran out onto the field. 

And into a huge hole in the ground.

"How did that hole get there?" Kelly gulped. 

"Don't look at me!" He saw Lance throwing away a shovel behind a bush. "I didn't do it!" 

"Kelly! Kelly! He's our man!" The cheerleaders ran out into the field.

"If he can't do it, no one can!" Hank McCoy ran out in his furry blue glory dressed in a cheerleader outfit complete with pom poms. "Yay Kelly!" 

"AGGGH!" Kelly screamed as Hank approached him. "Stay back!"

"Why?" Hank pouted. "Don't you wanna dance with me?" 

Suddenly Kelly found himself at the Sadie Hawkins Dance. "Come on!" Hank grabbed him by the hand. "Time to shake your booty!" He twirled Kelly around. "Hey everybody, let's do the Macarena!" 

Before Kelly knew it there were hundreds of huge scaly red monsters doing the Macarena before him. Kelly screamed and ran outside the gym. He stopped by the bleachers to get his breath when he noticed Fred juggling the Bayville Hawk mascot, which was even more impressive considering it was on fire at the time. 

"Hey look at what I can do!" Fred shouted. Suddenly a red beam shot it out of his hands. "Hey I was playing with that!"

"Tough!" Scott was dressed in a strange black uniform. "We want a turn! Everybody on the field!" He saw that all the Institute kids were dressed in black uniforms and running out onto the field. 

The hawk mascot hit the gym and set it on fire. "Oh way to go goggle boy!" Fred snapped. "You destroyed the gym!"

"Well it's not like it hasn't happened before!" Kitty snapped. "Who wants to play tag?"

Kelly decided that now was a good time to leave. Suddenly Pietro ran in front of him in a blue and white costume. "Uh, uh uh," He wagged his finger. "Now just where do you think you're going? Tag! You're it!" He ran around and around him so fast it created a twister. Kelly flew up and around into the air helplessly.

"Auntie Em!" Todd flew around. "Auntie Em! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!" He looked down. "Okay who swiped my shoes? Now how am I gonna get home?"

Suddenly a blue demon with wings and a tail flew by. "Blue Monkey Taxi at your service," He spoke in a very familiar German accent.

"Well it's about time you showed up!" Todd snapped.

"Hey traffic was murder. What do you want with me?" The demon pouted. 

"I can't believe I'm saying this but take me with you!" Kelly cried out. 

"Sorry pal, mutants only," Todd shrugged as they flew away.

"No!" Kelly screamed. "Don't leave me here! Help me!" 

As he flew around in the twister he saw someone else go by. It was Charles Xavier, the headmaster at the Xavier institute. He was laughing wildly as he flew along in his wheelchair. Kelly did a double take. Then he saw that Xavier was now wearing a purple sorcerer's uniform and riding a broomstick. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Xavier laughed. "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!" 

"I don't have a dog!" Kelly shouted.

"Oh," Xavier looked a bit surprised. "Oh well I'll just get you anyway!" He flew towards him. 

Suddenly Kelly fell downwards. Then he stopped a few inches before he hit the ground. He was floating in mid-air. Xavier and his students surrounded them. 

"Please, please!" Kelly cried. "Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!"

"Like what do we do with him?" Kitty asked.

"I dunno," Jean shrugged. "Teach him how to do tricks?"

"We can make a nice conversation piece out of him," Rogue said. "He'd look great in the study."

"Look just let me go please!" Kelly shouted. 

"Oh we can't do that," Xavier gave him an evil look. "You'll tell."

"No! No! I won't tell! I promise! Just please let me go!" Kelly shouted.

"You heard the man," Xavier said as a huge hole opened underneath Kelly. "Let's let him go."

"No!" Kelly shouted as he fell into the hole. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

The next thing Kelly knew he had fallen off his desk and hit the floor with a whump! "Ow…" Kelly moaned. "My head…" 


	25. Back to Reality, Unfortunately

**Back To Reality, Unfortunately. **

The next day, Kelly finally finished straightening the office after the previous night's activities. Guilt weighted heavily on his mind. "I can't believe I did that!" He moaned. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…Okay. Think. I gotta think. I just gotta deal with this in a calm rational manner like an adult!"

"Principal Kelly are you in here?" Dorothy asked as she opened the door. Kelly dove under the desk.

"Meester Kellee is not here now," Kelly said in a Spanish accent. "I am Rico Suave the janitor…"

"Edward get up off the floor," Dorothy closed the door behind her. "We need to talk."

"I was afraid you'd say that," Kelly gulped as he stood up.

"Look," Dorothy started. "I'm not saying last night wasn't…interesting but um.."

"Look I never really did that before!" Kelly spurted out. "Made a pass and…well."

"Obviously," Dorothy said. She recovered. "I mean it's obvious you're too much of a gentleman to do that." 

"Yeah well…look I never intended to," Kelly stammered.

"Hey its okay," Dorothy held her hands up. "It was just one of those things that happened. Look I know your life is…complicated enough without…last night getting in the way. So why don't we just pretend it never happened and just go back to the way things were?" 

"Well if that's what you want…" Kelly looked a little down. 

"Well I'm not saying you're not nice or anything," Dorothy consoled him. "But considering the circumstances. I mean we are in a school and you are my boss."

"Yeah, yeah you're right I was way out of line," Kelly apologized.

"Well it wasn't exactly 100% your fault if I recall," Dorothy told him. "Let's just forget the whole thing and be professionals again."

"Good idea," Kelly nodded. "Strictly professional."

"By the way can I have my bra back?" She asked. 

"Oh yeah," He took it out of his desk and sheepishly handed it to her. "Oh by the way did you call the security…"

"They already sent someone this morning," She told him. 

"Well that's good," Kelly sighed and followed her outside his office. "Okay now everything is back to normal." 

Just then a beefy security guard ran down the hall screaming. "DEMON! DEMON IN THE BATHROOM! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! I DIDN'T THINK THOSE THINGS WERE REAL! MOMMY I DON'T WANNA BE A SECURITY GUARD ANY MORE! I WANNA JOIN THE BALLET!" 

"Unfortunately," Kelly moaned putting his head in his hands. 


	26. It's 8:45 And I Already Need A Break!

**It's 8:45 and I Already Need a Break**

While Dorothy was calling the security agency again, Kelly decided to take a walk to the teacher's lounge. There were a few teachers there and their mood was anything but happy. One was openly sobbing in a corner. Another was looking in the newspaper circling want ads. One was taking medication and another was drinking a bottle of gin. Still another was sitting down writing something on a piece of paper.

"Mr. Sherman this is a school!" Kelly stormed up to him. "There is no place for alcohol on the premises!" 

"Listen Kelly we all know about that scotch bar you keep hidden in your desk so don't preach morality to me!" Mr. Sherman snapped. 

"Hey I'm just curious," One teacher asked. "Do we still have the security guards you called up for last night or did they take off too?"

"I think they were reassigned or something," Kelly said. "Luckily we have a new guard for the day shift."

"Correction," Mrs. Hawkins stormed in. "We **had** a security guard this morning. We had another demon sighting!" 

"Another one?" Sherman moaned. 

"Is that the one with the fangs that looks like a Jurassic Park reject?" The teacher writing asked.

"No this is the one that's blue and has a tail," She told him. "Appeared once again in the boy's room."

"How often does that happen?" The man asked. 

"Usually only once every couple of weeks," Sherman moaned. "Lately monsters have been coming out of the woodwork!" 

"Yeah I heard all about the dance," The man nodded. "Principal Kelly what are you going to do now?"

"How the heck should I know?" Kelly moaned. "This is a school, not the Monster Patrol War Room! I don't even know where these things are coming from! I mean how do you deal with monsters and demons? I've hired security guard after security guard, had scientists in here doing tests, I've even cancelled several late night committee meetings just to be safe! I don't know what else to do but hope it goes away!"

"Well you'd better do something or else we are going on strike!" Sherman snapped.

"What?" The man asked. "You really are planning a teacher's strike?"

"Yeah don't you remember?" Sherman asked. "You were at the …Hey. I've never seen you before. Who are you? You a sub?"

"The name's Sneaksby," The man said. "Actually I'm a reporter for the Bayville Gazette."

"OUT!" Kelly shouted.

"My you have one very interesting school Kelly," Sneaksby looked over his notes. "Monsters, earthquakes, a gym that gets wrecked every other month. Teachers drinking on the job and now a possible strike. This is gonna make a great feature!"

"No it will not!" Kelly snapped. "Now leave before I call security!"

"What security?" Mrs. Hawkins asked.

Kelly stood there for a full second. "Fine, I'll do it myself!" He grabbed Sneaksby by the arm and took him out of the teacher's lounge. "You are not welcome on these premises!" 

"Hey the public has a right to know what's going on in the schools!" Sneaksby snapped.

"No it doesn't!" Kelly tried to push him down the hallways. "Other than the odd monster popping up there is nothing strange going on at Bayville High!" 

As they turned the corner they saw about fifty frogs hopping in the halls. "Go my brothers!" Todd called out, trying to herd them down the hall. "Be free! Free!"

"Oh my god," Kelly put his head in his hands.

"Toad I am telling you this right now we are now taking any of these frogs home with us!" Lance told him. He, Pietro and Fred were in the halls as well, leaning against the locker. "Especially after the last time!"

"I'm not going to do that!" Todd snapped. "I am going to take them to the pond where they can live out their lives in peace and freedom! Imagine it my friends! The rest of your days in happiness. Eating all the flies you want! Swimming all day! Croaking all night!" 

"Tolensky what are you doing?" Kelly roared. 

"Freeing these poor creatures!" Todd spoke up. He looked at Sneaksby. "Do you know what they want to do these little guys? They're gonna test poisons on them and dissect them! That's cruel and inhumane! Frogs are living creatures too!"

"Really," Sneaksby started writing in his notes. "Very interesting!"

"Who are you?" Lance asked.

"Sneaksby, Bayville Gazette," He told Lance.

"Oh boy the media!" Todd's eyes went wide. 

"Oh no you don't!" Kelly snapped. "Tolensky just get rid of these frogs in the hallway! I don't care how you do it! Just do it!"

"Yeah before the bell rings and they all get squashed," Pietro said.

"No!" Todd's eyes widened. He started collecting frogs in a panic. "We gotta get them outta here! Hey come back here! Don't run away! Stay! Heel!"

"Toad frogs aren't going to listen to your orders!" Fred groaned.

"They will someday," Todd said simply. "Hey come back here!" He started chasing the wayward frogs. 

"Oh for crying out loud," Kelly moaned. "Now Sneaksby…" 

"Are you telling me the shot put completely destroyed his desk?" Sneaksby asked Pietro.

"Totally," Pietro nodded. "It was the strangest thing."

"No the strangest thing are the monster sightings," Lance told him. 

"Yes I'd like to ask you more about that," Sneaksby consulted his notes.

"No you don't!" Kelly grabbed his arm and took him away. 

"You can't stop the truth!" Sneaksby shouted.

"I can sure try!" Kelly shoved him out the front door. "Now get out and stay out!" 

"You won't get rid of me that easy Kelly! There's a story here and I'm gonna find it!" Sneaksby raised his fist and stormed away.

"Oh lord," Kelly moaned. "Just when I think my life could not get any worse, fate decides to kick me in the pants. I wonder if Sherman has any gin left?" 


	27. Anybody Have Any Good News?

**Anybody Have Any Good News?**

After throwing Sneaksby out, Kelly decided to check up on the frogs in the corridors. They were no longer in the halls. They were now in the library. "WHAT ARE YOU MANIACS DOING NOW?" Kelly screamed.

"Shhh!" Pietro shushed him. "Be quiet! This is a library!"

"I can see that this is a library! Frogs do not belong in the library!" Kelly snapped.

"That's not a very nice thing to say," Fred said. "Did you ever think that maybe frogs like to read too!"

"Yeah maybe frogs are smarter than you think!" Pietro told him. "It could be attitudes like yours that are keeping them from reaching their full potential!" 

"You don't want to deny them an education do you?" Todd sniffed. 

"That's it!" Kelly jumped up and down screaming. "DETENTION, DETENTION, DETENTION! GET THESE THINGS OUT OF THE LIBRARY!" 

"Get the frogs out of the halls, get the frogs out of the library," Lance snapped. "Make up your mind will ya?"

"AGGGH!" Kelly ran out of the library and stormed into his office. He looked around and went back outside to the front. "Dorothy where's my scotch?"

"You drank it all last night. Let me guess, the Brotherhood?" Dorothy asked. 

"Oh yeah," Kelly moaned. "Nine am and it's already a bleak day at Bayville High!" 

"Well here's some good news," Dorothy looked at the mail. "Apparently Bayville tested in the highest percentage on the statewide scholarly tests."

"Whoopee," Kelly moaned. 

"Well that's good isn't it?" Dorothy asked.

"Only to politicians and parents without a clue," Kelly snapped. "Those tests mean nothing in the real world! Even most colleges don't really consider them anymore. It's more about if you can afford to go to college these days! All those tests are really good for is to either back up a politician or say he's doing a good job or to bring him down. It's a political tool to distract the public pure and simple. Have you looked at those tests? Half of the questions on it have nothing to do with what's being taught at school. A lot of those questions are purposely there to make sure the students fail. There are questions there that even the teachers can't answer! Heck I don't even understand half of them!"

"Can I quote you on that?" Sneaksby popped up behind him.

"How did you get back here?" Kelly screamed, chasing him all around the office and out of the school. 


	28. Problems With The Police

**Problems With the Police**

"Kelly," Police Chief Rothman shook his head. "I cannot believe that you called me down here to chase away some ridiculous reporter. Why didn't you use your own security to get rid of him?" He sniffed the air and looked at Kelly. "Have you been drinking?"

"That's not important," Kelly snapped. "What's important is that he's kept away from this school!"

"You could have called me on the phone for this!" Rothman snapped. He looked around the front office. "I mean really…"

"Well it's the least you could do since you people have done such a wonderful job catching McCoy," Kelly said sarcastically.

"Look pal," Rothman's voice got higher. "I am doing all I can to find him."

"Yes it must be so difficult trying to catch a furry blue monster," Kelly said. "He must just blend right in with the crowds."

"Listen you jackass!" Rothman snapped. "If you think it's so easy, you try my job! I certainly could do your job easy! I have had more emergency calls from Bayville High in three months than I have in three years of being police chief of the entire town!"

"Listen Chief," Kelly snapped. "I've got enough problems keeping these kids in line without monsters roaming around causing chaos! If you did your job…"

"Don't tell me how to do my job!" The irate police chief snapped. "I am doing the best I can!"

"Maybe I should try and call in the Bayville Sirens," Kelly snapped. "At least with them I know I'd get results!" 

"That vigilante group has disappeared!" He snapped. "They are no longer roaming the streets." 

"Yeah right after they got all the criminals," Kelly told him. "They accomplished more in one week than what you did in three months!" 

"Well according to reports they were all teenage girls," Rothman snapped. "Maybe you know more about them than you think!"

"What?" Kelly blinked. "Are you saying those girls could go to Bayville High?"

"Congratulations," Rothman said sarcastically. "Are you sure you never had a career in law enforcement? This is the only high school in the city. Where else would they be?"

"Oh and I suppose you wanna search the entire student body," Kelly sniped. "Not without a warrant. I don't need you harassing my students!" 

"You mean you don't want their parents and their lawyers harassing you!" Rothman snapped. "Well these girls are rumored to have special powers. Weird things have been happening at Bayville High. There's obviously a connection!"

"Wait a minute, are you telling me that all the craziness around here is being caused by teenagers with special powers?" Kelly blinked. "The monsters, the shot put nearly killing me, the earthquakes, everything stems from teenagers with super powers?"

"I think it may be a possibility," Rothman said.

"You know something," Kelly said. "I think you've been reading too many comic books! That is without a doubt the stupidest idea I have ever heard. And I work with kids so believe me I have heard a lot of stupid ideas! But this, even the students wouldn't come up with a stupid idea such as that!" 

"Hey I know it sounds crazy but based on the testimony of witnesses…" Rothman said.

"Who are all criminals and liars and are probably hopped up on dope or pills or something!" Kelly finished. "Rothman I always knew you were an idiot but I didn't know how big an idiot you were until now!" 

"That's it! You're under arrest!" the Chief of Police slapped handcuffs on Kelly.

"For what?" Kelly snapped. "Disagreeing with you? Yeah that's a capital offense!" 

That was when Lance came in and saw the scene. "What happened Kelly?" He asked. "Finally got you on those embezzlement charges I see!" 

"Shut up Alvers!" Kelly snarled. 

"Officer he's been stealing money from the school," Lance told him. "That's why we can't afford any security guards."

"Well thanks for the tip son," Rothman nodded. "It will be looked into."

"WHAT?" Kelly shouted. "You aren't seriously going to listen to what this delinquent says are you? He's the biggest liar in the whole school!"

"I'm not the one with access to the school's bank account," Lance sniffed. "Or did I just buy a brand new car!"

"Okay thanks kid," Rothman nodded. "That's enough for me!"

"Just doing my duty as a conscientious American Citizen," Lance smiled. 

"Oh that is the biggest bunch of baloney I have ever heard!" Kelly snapped as the chief of police dragged him away. By now several students were in the halls and staring at the sight. "Get to class kids! Nothing to see! Let go of me!" 

"Come on Kelly I have a few questions to ask you," Rothman said.

"Search his house!" Lance called after. "He might have drugs hidden in it!"

"I do not have drugs in my house!" Kelly shouted.

"Then you'd better check his car," Lance said. 

"Good idea," Rothman nodded. "Come on Kelly." 

Risty snapped a picture. "Now this ought to be an interesting shot for the school's yearbook!" She snickered.

Pietro looked at her. "Hey can I get those in wallet sized?" 


	29. While Kelly's Away...

**While Kelly's Away…**

"That's right boss," Sneaksby called in to his editor. "He was just arrested. I dunno something about embezzlement or drugs. Not sure which. Don't worry. I got a photo. One of the students was more than happy to supply me with a picture. I just gave it to Johnson to give it to you. Yeah I think there is something to this Bayville story. Now that Kelly's gone for the day at least I'm gonna pose as a sub. See what I can find out. Yeah I will. Don't worry chief. I'll get right on it." 

Sneaksby put down the phone and smiled. His plan was simple. The front office was so chaotic they didn't know what was going on. It was easy to simply pretend to be a sub and get a schedule from one of the other secretaries. In class he would simply ask the kids questions about Bayville and find out stories from them. The kids would rather talk than do work anyway. "Piece of cake," He smiled. 

He walked into his first class. Chemistry. "Okay kids settle down. My name is Sneaksby and I'm your sub for today. I thought we'd do something different today and talk about what is happening at the school. I know a lot of you have concerns and questions and I like to hear about them. So feel free to talk about anything you like." 

"Yeah," Lance spoke up from the back. "I'd like to talk about the Red Socks. You think they have a chance of winning the pennant this year?"

The kids laughed. "Very funny Mr. Alvers is it?" Sneaksby smiled. "What about what's going on at the school? About these monster and demon sightings for example?"

"What about them?" Lance asked. "This is the first I've heard of it."

"That's all we've been talking about for the last month you doofus," One student snapped. "Personally I hear that…"

Suddenly the TV in the room switched on for no reason. "What?" Sneaksby looked surprised as the images of the Jersey Spaniel Show came on. "How did that happen?" He turned it off. 

"Aw come on," Lance said. "Let's watch TV instead!" 

"No no we have to talk," Sneaksby told him. Then the TV went on again. "Huh?" He turned it off. "Must be a short or something." 

"Or something," One student looked nervous. 

"Now then about the…" Sneaksby started when the TV turned on. "Not again!" He turned it off. It came on. He turned it off again. It came on again. He turned it off. It came on. "What the heck is going on here?" He shouted. He frantically kept turning it off. It kept coming back on. "How is this happening?" 

"Ghosts!" One student cried out.

"Oh that's just ridiculous!" Sneaksby snapped.

"Is it?" Lance raised an eyebrow. Suddenly the room began to shake. 

"Wha-what's going on?" Sneaksby yelped, panic starting to rise in his voice. 

"I dunno what do you think is going on?" Lance asked calmly as another mini quake rocked the lab, causing some beakers to fall and shatter. The channels on the TV began to change rapidly. 

"What the heck is going on here?" Sneaksby shouted. "This is nuts!"

"Ghosts!" One student shouted.

"It can't be!" Sneaksby yelped. The TV kept changing channels even more rapidly. Another tremor did it. "MOMMY!" Sneaksby screamed and ran out the door. Several other students followed. Soon Kitty and Lance were the only ones left in the room. 

"Lance," Kitty glared. "Okay I know about the tremors but how did you do the TV?"

"Let me show you," Lance showed her his wrist.

"A watch?" Kitty asked incredulously. 

"A little late Christmas present from the Toad," Lance smiled as he showed Kitty his wrist. "This watch has a channel changer built in. Cool huh?"

"Where did he get something like that?" Kitty glared. "He stole it didn't he?"

"Actually this time he bought it," Lance whistled. "Lets just say he got it from a friend of a friend who got it from a friend when it fell off the back of a truck and leave it at that shall we?" 

"Lance how could you do that to a sub!" Kitty snapped at him. 

"Kitty that's not a sub," Lance whispered to her. "He's a reporter! He's only pretending to be a sub to get dirt on Bayville. Or more specifically any blue furred monsters around here."

"Oh no," Kitty turned pale. "Great that's all we need!" 

"As much as I'd love Kelly to get trashed in the paper," Lance said. "I don't think it would be a good idea to let this guy run around."

"So what do we do?" Kitty asked.

"Don't worry Kitty," Lance grinned. "I got it all figured out." 


	30. The Brotherhood Will Play

**The Brotherhood Will Play**

Sneaksby decided to hang out in the bathroom for a while. He thought it would be safer. "Hey Sneaksby," Lance entered the bathroom with Pietro behind him. "Weird what happened in class huh?"

"The truth of what happened might make interesting reading for the paper don't you think?" Pietro asked.

"Hey I'm just a sub," Sneaksby gulped nervously.

"Aw come on Sneaksby you don't fool us," Lance said. "Actually, between the two of us. I gotta admire your work. There's a lot of stuff that's going on that people don't know. How would you like an exclusive?"

"Really?" Now this was the jackpot. 

"Meet me behind the gym during lunch," Lance whispered. "Come alone. I have study after so no one will miss me. I'll give you the proof then."

"Proof," Sneaksby blinked. 

"Oh yeah," Pietro nodded. "Files, pictures. Everything. But you can't tell anyone where you're gonna be. There are a lot of people around here who would stop at nothing to keep this quiet. So remember…"

"I will," Sneaksby nodded and went to the next class eagerly awaiting lunchtime. 

Lunchtime came soon enough. Sneaksby took special care not to be seen. He saw Lance wearing a trench coat and sunglasses. "You weren't followed?" Lance asked.

"No," Sneaksby said. "You have the proof?"

"Don't worry you'll get it," Lance smiled. "After this you'll be on easy street. You can write your own ticket! Anywhere you wanna go! You write for any paper you like! Hey how about the Hawaii Gazette? Would you like to write for that?"

"Well yes…but," Sneaksby started to talk some more but then something hard hit him on the head and he blacked out. An hour later Lance, Fred and Todd were watching the plane to Hawaii take off. "And that's the end of that," Fred nodded. "Gee I wonder if he'll get out of that box before they drop it in that volcano?" 

"Aloha!" Todd waved a handkerchief. 

"Now the real fun begins," Lance rubbed his hands. "I just hope Tabby and Pietro saved some of the school for us! I wonder what they're gonna do?" 


	31. Bayville High Rocks!

**Bayville High Rocks**

"Oh man you dream about stuff like this but you never think it'll ever happen!" Todd's eyes were wide as he saw the chaos around him. Loud music was blaring through the speakers. Students were dancing, kissing, having silly string wars, and generally having a great time in the halls. The party of the century was being held in the school. 

"Well what are we waiting for?" Lance asked as the Brotherhood jumped into the throng of students.

Not all the students were partying. Scott, Jean and Taryn were standing wide mouthed at the chaos around them.

"This is like one of those insane teenage movies come to life," Scott said.

"I don't believe this!" Jean gasped. "Where are all the teachers?"

"WHAHOOOOO!" One teacher skated by on rollerblades with his tie around his head.

"Okay when did Mr. Sanders learn to skate?" Scott asked.

"It's so weird," Taryn said. "Half the teachers are partying and the other half are hiding in the teacher's lounge! How did this happen?"

"HELLOOOOOO BAYVILLE!" Pietro's voice rang out over the intercom after the song tied down. "Let's get down tonight!" The song of the same night started playing.

"Why am I not surprised?" Scott groaned. "Alvers! Kitty?"

Lance and Kitty were dancing in the halls. Scott and Jean made their way towards them. "What are you doing?" Scott snapped.

"Celebrating," Lance said. "I think we finally got rid of Kelly!"

"I'm not even gonna ask how this started," Jean groaned. "You guys in the Brotherhood are the most irresponsible nuts I have ever met!" 

"Hey we're not the one's who brought the keg," Lance pointed to a figure in the corner. "Blame your boyfriend for that!" 

Duncan was cheering several members of the football team on in a drinking contest. Not to mention a few substitute teachers. "DUNCAN!" Jean stormed over to her boyfriend to scream at him. 

"Kitty I can't believe you are just going along with the crowd!" Scott snapped.

"I'm not the only one," Kitty pointed out to several other X-Men dancing and goofing off. Kurt and Amanda were dancing together. Rogue and Risty were having a silly string fight and laughing their heads off. The new mutants were dancing. Evan was skateboarding with someone. 

"Wow I didn't know Mrs. Hawkins could skateboard," Kitty marveled as they skated by. 

"I'm never going to get into a decent college am I?" Scott groaned. 

****

Disclaimer: I do not endorse getting your principal arrested and turning your school into one huge party. So if this does happen it's not my fault. So there. 


	32. The Party's Over

**The Party's Over**

"Thanks for driving me back Dorothy," Kelly sighed. It had only been a few hours since his arrest. It wasn't even One o clock yet. 

"No problem," Dorothy said. "How did you convince the Chief of Police to drop those charges."

"Let's just say it was helpful that my lawyer also happened to be his ex-wife's divorce lawyer," Kelly sighed as they pulled into the driveway at Bayville High. 

"Well let's just hope that incident hasn't spread too much around Bayville," Dorothy said. She did a double take. "Where's that music coming from? What the..?"

There were kids having silly string fights with teachers outside the school. Some were dancing. Some were toilet papering the trees. Some were skateboarding. "OKAY WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" He shouted. "Stop that! Cut it out!" Of course they ignored him. "What is going on inside the school?" He and Dorothy walked in and saw the dancing and chaos. 

"Sir I'm taking the rest of the day off!" Dorothy did an about face and left. 

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Kelly shouted. 

"A party. What do you think?" Pietro said. 

Something inside Kelly snapped. He screamed, **"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP NOW!" ** It was the loudest shout anyone had ever heard. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him.

"Uh oh," Lance gulped.

"Yeah uh oh," Kelly snarled. "WHO STARTED THIS?"

"They did!" Was the unanimous cry. All the teachers were pointing at the students and all the students were pointing at the teachers. Then they started to argue amongst themselves. 

"SHUT UP!" Kelly screamed. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! GET YOUR BUTTS BACK INTO CLASS ALL OF YOU BEFORE I START HANDING OUT SUSPENSIONS AND PINK SLIPS! YOU HAVE TO THE COUNT OF THREE! ONE…." 

Within record time everyone disappeared into the classrooms. Well everyone except a few students who had passed out on the floor. Kelly glared and stormed into his office to write up a few expulsion slips. 

What he found was that his office was filled with frogs. Some of them had party hats on. Todd was there as well, playing with them and listening to music. 

"WHAT ARE THESE FROGS DOING IN MY OFFICE?" Kelly screamed. 

"Having a party," Todd looked at him funny. He was sitting in his chair.

"How am I going to explain all of this at the PTA meeting?" Kelly hit his head on the wall. 


	33. What Happened to My Life?

**What Happened to My Life?**

"What happened to my life?" Kelly moaned. He was sitting on the floor in his office. "I'm not really a bad guy. All I wanted was to run a school and make a difference in people's lives. Is that so wrong?" He looked at Todd. "Is it?" 

"No," Todd shook his head. "Bubba here doesn't think it's wrong either." He held up a frog. 

"I am sitting on the floor in my office after being arrested and coming back to find my school in chaos," Kelly moaned. "An office filled with frogs all named by a student who's insane. What happened to my life?"

"Would you like some cake?" Todd held up a piece of cake on a plate.

"No."

"It would make you feel better."

"I seriously doubt it."

"Bubba says it would make you feel better."

"Tell Bubba to go jump in the lake!" Kelly looked at him. "Are you telling me you can communicate with frogs."

"I'm working on it," Todd sniffed.

Kelly looked at him long and hard. "Has anyone told you that you're completely nuts?"

"Oh yes," Todd nodded.

"Good," Kelly held his head. "Of course going to this school is it any wonder? Ever since the first day I arrived it's been one thing after another. Earthquakes, monsters, slime, fires, the gym getting trashed…"

"Don't forget the shot put."

"HOW CAN I FORGET THE STUPID SHOT PUT?" Kelly snapped. "Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"You hurt my feelings," Todd sniffed. He held up a frog. "You hurt Bubba's feelings too." 

"Well I'm sorry Bubba…WHAT am I doing apologizing to a frog?" He yelled. "Get these things out of my office now!"

"But we wanna help and make everything all better," Todd looked at him.

"You wanna make it all better?" Kelly stood up. "Get out of my sight! That will make it better! I know what's going on! You just want to drive me crazy so I'll be crazy like all the other nuts in this school! Well I have information for you. I am not crazy. I will not go crazy. This school is not gonna take me down without a fight!" He got up and opened the door to his office. "YOU HEAR ME BAYVILLE? I'M NOT LICKED YET!" 

"Uh Mr. Kelly maybe you should go and lie down or something?" Todd blinked. 

"Oh no," Kelly shook his head. "I am not licked yet! I am going to find a way to salvage my career! All I need to do is think of a way and I will be fine!" He laughed hysterically. 

"Boy Bubba our principal is a real nut isn't he?" Todd asked. The frog croaked in agreement. 


	34. Problems With the PTA

****

So how does Kelly get out of the fix he's in? Let's just say that the guy was a born politician.

**Problems with the PTA**

"So that is why I organized a mini student pep rally," Kelly smiled at the members of the PTA board. "Just to step up school spirit and alleviate the tensions of the past couple of weeks. It was hardly the wild rave students are making it out to be." 

"Oh," Mrs. Hardy's face fell flat. "That makes sense." 

"True a couple of students did sneak alcohol onto the premises," Kelly said in his most stern voice. "But they have been dealt with. Unfortunately that is a problem all too common in our modern school system. Just today I was having a discussion with the chief of police about ways to combat this serious problem."

"I thought it was because you were arrested?" Mrs. Hardy asked. 

"I wasn't really arrested," Kelly said. "It was for charity."

"Oh yeah I've heard of those things," One parent says. "A teacher is 'arrested' and everybody donates money to a cause such as cancer or something to pay his 'bail'. Very creative!" 

"He's right," Dorothy muttered under her breath. 

"Well that certainly clears up a few things," Mrs. Hardy sighed. "For a moment we didn't think you were on top of things."

"Oh I assure you Mrs. Hardy," Kelly said. "I have been working hard to make Bayville High a safe, decent, normal place for our children to get an education."

That was when a frog hopped up to the podium. "What the heck is that?" One parent gulped.

"Obviously you didn't pass biology," Mrs. Hardy sniffed. "Well Kelly care to explain why there's a frog here?"

"Oh that," Kelly looked at the frog. "That's …Bubba. The freshman class mascot. Due to concerns we are no longer using live frogs for dissection purposes." He picked up the frog and handed it to Dorothy. "Dorothy could you please take Bubba and put him where he belongs."

"Oh yeah," Dorothy said without enthusiasm. She left the room muttering something under her breath.

"Moving on now," Kelly said. "I am pleased to report that Bayville High has the highest score in the statewide test scores." This was met with thunderous applause. "Yes this could not have been possible without the student's hard work and my commitment to education." _Nothing like test scores to smokescreen the real situation at a school. Works every time!_ He thought. 

After the applause died down, Mrs. Hardy raised her hand again. "What is being done about the repairs to the gym?" 

"Well we got more than half the repairs done," Kelly sighed. "But once again we need more funding. We are going to hold a bake sale this weekend as well as a car wash in order to raise funds."

"Well," Mrs. Hardy was loath to admit Kelly had the situation in hand. "What about those monster reports?" 

"The police are doing all they can, I assure you," Kelly reassured her. "I've even hired extra security to patrol the school as well as have some …older students patrolling the bathrooms. Let me make this clear, I don't know where these…creatures came from but I am doing everything within my power to find the truth and make Bayville safe once more!" 

As thunderous applause rocked the room, outside the school a very familiar former teacher was wandering again. Hank still needed to roam outside once in a while, and he couldn't help but be drawn to this place he loved so much. He longingly looked inside the classroom he once taught in. 

Unfortunately just at that moment Mrs. Hardy walked by. She wanted to get some air after listening to Kelly's speech. She had decided to wander and inspect the classroom out of curiosity. She just happened to look out the window and saw Hank. She screamed a scream that would wake the dead. 

"Oh dear," Hank gulped and ran away. Kelly and the others ran into the room. 

"It's Hank McCoy!" Mrs. Hardy fainted.

"Oh great!" Kelly groaned. "Here we go again! Call 911!" 

"HE'S HERE?" One parent screamed. "THAT MONSTER'S STILL LOOSE?"

"KELLY WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?" Another shouted. 

"Look it's not my fault the cops can't catch him!" Kelly shouted. 

"Where the heck is all that security you said you had?" One parent shouted. Soon several parents were screaming at him. Several others were running for their lives. Others were simply screaming and running around in circles.

"So close…" Kelly moaned. "I was so close…" 

"I'm going to sue Kelly!" Mrs. Hardy was awake now. "I'm going to sue for reckless endangerment and whatever else my lawyer can figure out!"

"That's it!" One father told his wife. "We're moving back to New York City! The schools are safer there and no monsters are running around!" 

"Yeah," Another parent said. "I'm taking my kid out too!"

"What about the rest of us who can't afford to move?" Another shouted.

"You're on your own toots!" 

"Who are you calling toots you sexist jerk?" The woman gave the man a sudden right cross. Soon there was a full-fledged fight on Kelly's hands. He tried to stop it, but was knocked out cold by Mrs. Hardy's handbag. 

In the back of the room, Ororo sighed. She had come to the meeting in order to find out what was going to happen. The situation at the school was going from bad to worse. "Great," She put her head in her hands. "The professor really needs to have a word with Hank. Or put him on a leash or something." 


	35. Another Sub Bites the Dust

**Another Sub Bites The Dust**

The next day seemed like any other school day. Well any other school day at Bayville High. Kurt and Evan had first period chemistry. They like the rest of the class were waiting for the new chemistry teacher to arrive. "I heard a lot of parents got really freaked last night," Evan told Kurt.

"Ya," Kurt nodded. "I heard that Karen Blake's parents transferred her out this morning. She's going to visit her grandmother in Florida for the next week while her parents get settled on where they are going to live."

"Man some people are so lucky," Evan groaned. "She gets to spend a week near Disneyland while we suffer in school!" 

"This isn't funny Evan," Kurt hissed. "The more weird stuff that happens and the more people panic…well you know. We have to be careful!"

"Oh yeah," Evan's face fell. "I didn't think about that."

"Good Morning students!" Principal Kelly walked in with a clean shaven young man with glasses. "This is Mr. Percy, your new chemistry teacher."

"Hello there!" Mr. Percy smiled. "I am glad to start my teaching career at…aah…ahhh ACHOOOO!" 

"What's wrong?" Kelly gulped as Mr. Percy began to sneeze violently. 

"My…Achoo! Allergies!" Mr. Percy sneezed. "I have these…ACHOO! Terrible attacks whenever…whenever…ACHOOO!" He kept sneezing more violently. 

"Here!" Kurt got up and handed him a tissue. For some reason Mr. Percy began to sneeze even more violently. "Um…are you okay?"

"ACHOOO!" Mr. Percy sneezed. "I don't understand it! The only thing I'm allergic to is fur! But there is no fur here! Unless one of the students is wearing a fur coat or something?

"Or something," Kurt sank back into his seat. He blanched as the sub kept sneezing so violently that blood was starting to come out of his nose. 

Kelly nearly fainted himself. "Somebody take him to the nurse!" He shouted. "Mr. Wagner! You do it! I'll stay and watch the class!" 

"B…But," Kurt stammered as he hesitantly got up. 

"Go!" Kelly nearly shoved him towards the door. Mr. Percy's sneezing could be heard all through the hallway. Kelly held his head as he heard several students start singing that all too familiar song.

_Sitting in class goofing around, the place was really packed. The only seats open were with the weirdoes in the back! There's paper all over the place and candy all over the floor. That poor sub never had a chance as soon as he walked through the door! _

_Hey now, look around! Another sub bites the dust! Hey now, look around! Another sub bites the dust! And another one's gone! And another one's gone! Another sub bites the dust! Hey another class with nothing to do! Another sub bites the dust! _

**If you can't figure out which song this is a parody of (Another one Bites the Dust) whose lyric's I don't own, please run to your local music store and listen to 5 hours of oldies as penance! Then listen to Weird Al's parody: Another One Rides the Bus! **


	36. Somebody's Watching Me...I Think

****

Okay I got inspired by this Rockwell song from the 80's called "Somebody's Watching me." It's weird, but I thought this fit Kelly so well, considering…

Somebody's Watching Me…I Think.

Kelly was wandering the empty halls. He was feeling very nervous. "Not another sub! He didn't even last two minutes! This place is insane! Something really weird is going on here! I've got to find out what's going on or I'm going to lose my mind! Why do I have this feeling that I'm being watched? That there's some conspiracy going on that I don't know about?"

__

I'm just an average man. With an average life!

I work real hard. Hey heck, I'm really nice.

I'm in an average town, live in an average home.

So why do I always feel like I'm in the Twilight zone?

I always feel like somebody's watching me!

And I have no privacy!

I always feel like somebody's watching me!

Tell me is it just a dream?

Why is it everything around here goes wrong?

Something's hiding around here that doesn't belong!

Those nuts from the Institute I try to avoid,

Is Xavier really strange or am I just paranoid?

I'm afraid to work late, in case a monster's there!

Every time I turn around I get an awful scare!

People say I'm a little crazy, maybe a little touched!

Because I've been hanging with these psychos too much!

I always feel like somebody's watching me!

It's complete insanity!

I always feel like somebody's watching me!

Who's playing tricks on me?

I don't know if I can take any more!

Is McCoy watching me? The students watching me?

I don't feel save any more! I'm in mess!

What's gonna happen I can only guess!

I always feel like somebody's watching me!

Who's playing tricks on me?

Risty has an evil grin as she's watching Kelly walk down the hall. "I am going to enjoy this."


	37. I Want Cake

**I Want Cake!**

Kelly moaned as he walked back to his office. This day was shaping up to be a typical day at Bayville all right. Full of problems. As soon as he got into the office he got a call from the security agency. They had finally figured out things at Bayville were not right at all. 

"Mr. Kelly," The agency's head said. "We have sent you over half our staff, including all our top agents and they are either missing, in the hospital, or changing careers! I don't know what's going on at that school and frankly I don't really care! We are no longer going to accept your account because if we keep it we won't have any security guards left!"

So for an hour Kelly had to make arrangements with another security agency. After that were two student disruptions, one fight in the hallway, and another exploding vending machine. By lunchtime, Kelly really needed a break. 

Then Mrs. Sims called. "I thought I might give you a little call to let you know that I baked a nice marble cake with buttercream frosting in class," She said. 

This made his day. He walked rapidly out of the office. He loved marble cake and was looking forward to having some. He walked jovially into the office. "Oh Kelly," Ms. Sims said. "You're back. What do you want?"

"I thought I'd try that delicious cake you offered me."

"But you just had a piece," Mrs. Sims told him.

"No I didn't," Kelly said.

"Yes you did," Mrs. Sims said. "Just a minute ago."

"No I didn't," Kelly was starting to get irritated. "I just want a piece of cake please." 

"You already had a piece," Mrs. Sims was looking at him funny. "Are you having problems with your memory?" 

"**I** am not the one having mental problems," Kelly snapped. "Now just give me a piece of cake please."

"I don't think you should be having any more sweets," Mrs. Sims tutted. 

"I don't care what you think I just want some cake," Kelly said. "I've had a really bad morning and I need some cake to make it better."

"Now Mr. Kelly we both know that food does not solve problems, it only covers up emotional issues."

"The only issue I have is that lack of cake in my diet!"

"What you need are some natural herbs," Mrs. Sims rummaged through her purse. "Now where's that stuff that helps with memory? Ginkobaloba was it? I forget." 

"WHERE'S MY CAKE?" Kelly screamed. "I WANT CAKE!"

Meanwhile Risty was happily munching on some cake outside. "I love buttercream frosting!" She smiled. 


	38. Yet Another Sub Bites the Dust

**This chapter is up due to popular demand! The full version of the song!**

Yet Another Sub Bites the Dust

"This is an awful day!" Kelly groaned. "I didn't even get any cake!" 

"AGGHH!" A sub ran out covered in foam. "THAT'S IT I QUIT!"

"What happened?" He asked. 

"Someone sprayed me with shaving cream in the teacher's bathroom," She sobbed. "But I couldn't see what it was! That's it! I quit being a teacher! From now on I'm gonna go work with prisoners! Mass murderers are more well behaved than these lunatics!" She stormed out.

Kelly groaned as he heard the students in the halls singing again. 

_Sitting in class goofing around, the place was really packed! The only seats open were with the weirdoes in the back! There's paper all over the place and candy all over the floor. That poor sub never had a chance as soon as he walked through the door!_

Hey now, look around! Another sub bites the dust! Hey now look around! Another sub bites the dust! And another one's gone, and another one's gone, another sub bites the dust! Hey another class with nothing to do! Another sub bites the dust!

Some kids are playing the radio; others are playing with a bottle cap! The sub doesn't care what we do as long as we don't disturb his nap! People are playing hackysack and all the pencils are gone! I wonder how long it'll be before someone realizes a party's going on!

Another sub bites the dust! Another sub bites the dust! And another one's gone, and another one's gone! Another sub bites the dust! Hey! Another class with nothing to do! Another sub bites the dust!

There's a kid dancing on the desk and acting like a clown. The principal can't help cause he's hiding in a closet having a nervous breakdown! We're gonna goof off and relax, we're not gonna listen to this jerk! Come on did you really think we'd actually do any work?

Another sub bites the dust! Another sub bites the dust! And another one's gone, and another one's gone! Hey! Another class with nothing to do! Another sub bites the dust! 

"I am really beginning to hate that song," Kelly groaned. 


	39. Hurrah! A Plot at Last!

**Hurrah! A Plot at Last!**

Kelly sighed. "What else could happen today?" The phone rang. "Oh goody. More trouble. Hello?" He picked up the phone. His eyes widened. "Oh yes this is Principal Edward Kelly! Why thank you! You what? Really! Yes, yes this is an honor! When? Three weeks from next Monday. We will be ready! Thank you!" 

"WHAHOOOO!" Kelly shouted in celebration. He started dancing around with glee. 

"Mr. Kelly what's going on here?" Dorothy came in.

"You will never believe it!" Kelly said happily. "For once something right has happened at this school!"

"You stopped the sub from quitting?"

"Forget the sub! Guess who's coming here in about three weeks to honor Bayville High on getting the highest test scores in the state? Senator Bainbridge and the Governor!" 

"You mean the governor is coming here? With Senator Bainbridge?" Dorothy gasped. 

"Yes they are both coming to not only congratulate the school on it's fine performance and announce their education plan, but they want to talk to me on my ideas for helping out on their new education task force!" Kelly beamed.

"Sir that's wonderful!" 

"They're going to send me the materials by the end of this Friday so I'll announce the score results the following Monday," Kelly said. "But can you believe it?"

They both danced around the office. "That's the best news we've had all year sir!" Dorothy laughed.

"Now not a word Dorothy! This is top secret!" 

"Oh I won't!" She bustled out of the office happily. 

Kelly danced around. He dusted off the placard on his desk. "So much to do, so little time! Gotta get the gym fixed. The bake sale and the car wash will help with that! Got to call the press, the PTA! Maybe this school will pull out of its jinx after all!" He sat down at his desk.

"Maybe," Kelly grinned. "Maybe if I play my cards right I can finally get out of this lunatic asylum once and for all!" 

**If you haven't figured it out by now, I am going to make up my own governor and senator. Much more fun to torment them that way! So Kelly thinks he's found his ticket out huh? Think again! Ha! Ha! **


	40. What's the Worst That Can Happen?

**(Author's note: To find out what happened at the bake sale and the car wash read "Bake Sale Blob" and "Car Wash Toad" if you haven't already! If you haven't well, I think the titles give you a pretty good idea of what happened! )**

**What's the Worst That Can Happen?**

Kelly was on cloud nine. Nothing could bring him down.

Until after the disasters at the bake sale and car wash that weekend. He had no idea what had happened, but in the end Bayville High ended up losing money rather than making money. 

"No, no, no," Kelly groaned. "This can't be happening. Not if Governor Endicott is coming! No! I have got to get the payments in but how? How?" 

Then the phone rang. Kelly answered it. "Oh Mr. Xavier. How are you?" 

__

Oh no, now what does he want? Kelly thought. The answer was surprisingly pleasant. "You what? You want to contribute the remaining amount of money to rebuild the gym? Why that's wonderful!" _For once that guy is coming in handy! He may be creepy, but his money isn't!_ "Yes you've already sent the check to the contractors? They'll finish by the end of the week? That's wonderful! Thank you very much Mr. Xavier. Oh I might as well tell you this. Now I trust you can keep a secret? Well the Governor and Senator Bainbridge are coming to Bayville soon to congratulate us on our performance for test scores! Yes and I have a feeling that some of your students will be on the list! Now, you will keep it a secret won't you? Thank you very much for your generosity! Goodbye!" 

"Ladies good news!" Kelly went out of his office and spoke to Dorothy and two other secretaries. "Mr. Charles Xavier has decided to pay for the remaining funds for the gym!" 

"Well that is good news," Dorothy said. "For a change." 

"We have to get this place in shape!" Kelly said. "I am not taking any chances! Nothing must go wrong." 

"Then pray that neither the governor nor Bainbridge needs to use the boy's bathroom in case that demon shows up again," One of the other secretaries said. 

"Or any other monsters," Dorothy said. 

"Or the vending machines explode," Said the third secretary. 

"Or that slime doesn't appear in the cars or hallway," Said the second. 

"Or nothing gets set on fire," Dorothy said. 

"Or the pipes don't mysteriously ice up again," The third secretary said. 

"Or any objects fly thorough the window for no reason," Said the second. 

"I GET THE PICTURE! For once everything will work out fine, nothing will go wrong!" Kelly said.

Then the ground shook. "Unless there's another earthquake," Dorothy said.

"I can't stand it," Kelly groaned. 


	41. It Just Got Worse

**It Just Got Worse**

"And once again another stupid assembly," Lance grumbled as they filed into the auditorium. Normally the X-Men and the Brotherhood made a point to sit as far away from each other as possible, but through a cruel twist of fate, they ended up in the same two rows. 

"It is not a stupid assembly," Rogue snapped. "Anything that gets us out of class is a good thing!"

"She's got a point there," Pietro said. "Anybody know what this is about?"

"I heard it's about the test scores," Risty said. "Our school supposedly did very well on them."

"How'd you know that?" Kitty asked. 

"I have my methods," Risty grinned. 

"Those tests were so stupid," Rogue grumbled. 

"I agree," Tabitha said. "Just another way to keep kids down as far as I'm concerned!"

"Yeah those things are rigged," Lance snapped. "They're designed to make kids fail. It has nothing to do with the way the real world works!"

" I'm not surprised someone like you would say that," Scott snapped. 

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Lance snapped back. 

"Will you two like knock it off for once!" Kitty snapped at them. 

"He started it!" Lance protested.

"Did not!" Scott said.

"Did too!" 

"Did not!" 

"Hey Fuzzy quit it with the paper airplanes if you don't wanna be knee deep in slime!" Todd snapped.

"Shut up all of you!" Jean said, eagerly awaiting the test results. "He's going to speak."

Kelly stepped up to the podium. "Good afternoon students, I know you're all wondering why I called you in here today. Well I just called you in to congratulate this school on getting the highest test score in the state!" The audience applauded loudly as Kelly went on about education and commitment to excellence.

"I hope this gets out soon," Pietro yawned and looked at his watch. "I have a tennis match in an hour."

"SHHH!" Jean snapped. "I want to hear this!" 

"Best of all Governor Endicott and Senator Bainbridge are going to meet with and have lunch with the top 12 students who got the highest scores on the test after the press conference!" Kelly said. 

"Oh goody," Lance snickered. "I can see it now, mystery meat with the bigwigs!" 

"They'd better do a sweep of the kitchen," Todd joked. "Make sure they got all the rat poison out!" 

"And the students are in no particular order," Kelly read off the list. "Kitty Pryde, Scott Summers, Risty Wilde, Rogue…Uh …just Rogue. Taryn Nakamura, Jason Byron, Faith Harper, Lance Alvers, Pietro Maximoff, Todd Tolensky, Tabitha Smith, and Fred Dukes." Kelly did a double take. "WHAT?" 

The entire school gave a collective gasp as the last names were called. "Did he just say…?" Scott gulped. 

"Hey we won something!" Fred said excitedly. 

"I don't believe this," Jean blinked.

"I know the Brotherhood…on an honors list?" Rogue asked.

"Not that!" Jean said. "That my name isn't on it!"

"Oh brother," Rogue groaned.

"Hey girlfriend!" Risty grinned from ear to ear. "We did it! We did it! We…" Then she saw the Brotherhood congratulating each other and dancing in the aisles. "Oh no…what have we gotten into?"

Kelly just stared at the Brotherhood. "Well there they are Bayville High," He gulped. "Bayville's best and brightest. Umm…If anybody needs me, I'll be in my office doing something." He stumbled away from the platform muttering. "Of all the days for me to give up drinking…" 

An hour later….

"Mr. Kelly I need to see you right now!" Jean said storming into his office.

"Come on in Miss Grey," Kelly sighed.

"Okay are you sure I'm not on that list?" Jean asked.

"Yes Jean," Kelly sighed. "I checked. Believe me. You're not on it."

"Could you just maybe check one more time?" Jean grabbed his shoulders. "Please?"

"Jean let go of me!" Kelly snapped. "You're hurting me!" 

"Sorry," She apologized and let go. "But I was so sure I did so well!" 

"Well you didn't," Kelly sighed. "But somehow the Brotherhood did. All of them." 

"Okay maybe Pietro and Lance I can buy," Jean snapped. "And Tabitha is iffy, but FRED AND TOAD?"

"It does seem a little unbelievable," Kelly sighed looking at the test results again for the fifteenth time. 

"HOW COULD THOSE TWO IDIOTS GET HIGHER MARKS THAN ME?" Jean shouted. "They must have cheated!" 

"Well maybe on the question and answer section but not on the essay section," Kelly said. "As you know there were three possible essay questions. Students had a choice of three. Alvers, Smith, and Maximoff picked the 'Making a School a Better Place' one. Tolensky picked a science question about the importance of insects in the ecosystem. And Dukes…His question was… I don't believe it."

"What a food question?" Jean asked.

"No, it was about the U.S. Government. In his essay Mr. Dukes compared the legislative process to a monster truck rally. He got a high score for his creative thinking. In fact, according to this…he had the highest score in the school. This test shows that Fred 'The Blob' Dukes…is the smartest student at Bayville High." 

At that moment Jean fainted. 


	42. Brotherhood Intelligensia

**Brotherhood Intelligentsia**

"I don't believe it," Jean sat there at the lunch table, staring out into space. "I don't believe it."

"Calm down Jean it was just a stupid test," Rogue snapped. 

"Yeah Jean tests don't mean anything," Kitty said.

"That's easy for you to say," Jean snapped. "You two got on the list! I didn't!" 

"Well neither did us," Evan said.

"Yeah," Kurt piped up. 

"Oh that makes me feel so much better," Jean groaned. "Lance was right! These tests are unrealistic and rigged."

"Lance also got on the list," Kitty said. 

"The entire Brotherhood got on the list!" Rogue snapped. 

"Well that's a shock if I ever heard one," Scott grumbled. 

"According to that test Fred is the smartest student in the school!" Jean snapped. "Can you believe it?"

"Are you serious?" Kurt nearly choked on his lunch. 

"The Blob an egghead?" Rogue groaned. "Those tests are nothing but fakes." 

"I can't believe it," She shook her head. "I simply can't believe it." 

"Well look at the bright side Jean at least you won't be stuck all day with those yahoos like us," Rogue said. 

"Oh **that **is going to be a fun day," Scott groaned. "Maybe I'll get the flu or something. If I'm lucky."

"You know what the worst part is going to be?" Evan groaned. "For the next few weeks those jerks aren't gonna let us forget about this!" 

"Oh come on," Kitty said. "How bad could they be?"

As if on cue the Brotherhood wandered by. Somehow they changed clothes. Pietro and Lance were wearing power suits. Fred was wearing a smoking jacket, blowing bubbles with a pipe. Todd and Tabitha were wearing black outfits with berets and sunglasses, looking like beatniks. "Greetings fellow students," Pietro piped up. "Another wonderful day for Academia is it not?"

"Don't waste your breath Pietro," Fred made several more bubbles. "Not every student can appreciate the beauty of academics as we geniuses only can."

"Oh god make it stop," Jean held her head. 

"No no dear Jean we're not gods," Pietro waved his hand. "Godlike intelligence maybe and looks and class and…"

"I can't stand it," Jean groaned. "I just can't stand it!" 


	43. Kelly Don't! Oh Well, Go Ahead Then...

**Okay, I know this is a Kelly fic, but I couldn't resist that bit of Jean bashing in the last chapter. Now that that's out of my system…**

**Kelly Don't! Oh Well, Go Ahead Then**

"Sir give me the bottle!" Dorothy snapped.

"No," Kelly clung onto it as she tried to pry it from his fingers. "I need it!" 

"No you don't!" She snapped as she yanked it away from his grasp.

"Give me back my gin!" Kelly shouted as he started to chase her around the desk.

"No! I made a promise not to let you drink again!"

"That was before I found out the Brotherhood and those Institute Nuts were going to be there when the governor comes! Now give it!"

"No!" She turned around and slapped him.

"Again," He said. And she did so. "Thank you. I needed that."

"You're just going to have to…"Dorothy said. "Well I don't know. But you have to cope somehow." 

"Oh all right," He sighed as she walked out. "Stupid AA Buddy System. Okay, so they got high scores. So the governor and an important senator are coming. So what? It's going to be all right. It's going to be all right."

That was when Pietro came in the office. "What do you want now Maximoff?" 

"I was wondering when the aquarium was going to be built," Pietro smiled.

"Okay what did you say?" Kelly sighed. "I think my brain shut down or something."

"The aquarium. It was one of my recommendations for how school would be a better place. What better way to learn about marine life? And we can install water slides!"

"Hey Kelly!" Tabitha bounced in. She was carrying some measuring tape and curtain samples. "I thought I might redecorate the office since we might be sharing it."

"WHAT?" Kelly snapped. 

"It was one of my ideas in my essay," Tabitha explained. "That a student of the week share the office and duties of the principal. Those curtains have to go. And this office needs to be painted. How about purple?" 

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Kelly shouted as he shoved them out of the room.

"Gee what a grouch," Tabitha huffed. 

"Three weeks of this," Kelly groaned as he grabbed a small bottle of scotch from underneath the desk. "Three weeks of this." 


	44. Hall Zombies

**Hall Zombies**

While Kelly was chasing the Brotherhood out of his office, some of the other mutants in school were dealing with problems of their own. Bobby and Amara were walking to class when a bunch of jocks headed their way. 

"Move it shrimps!" One said, elbowing Bobby into the wall. Another just shoved Jubilee. 

"Hey!" Jubilee snapped as they walked away.

"Watch this," Bobby snickered as he created a patch of ice. Soon all the jocks landed on their butts. One slid into the wall. 

"Hey!" One jock snapped as he saw the two laughing. "How did you do that?" 

"Do what?" Bobby played innocent. 

"Don't lie to us you little goon!" Another got up and grabbed him. "You did that somehow didn't you!"

"Let him go!" Without thinking Amara's hands began to glow. She tried to pull Bobby away. The second she touched the jock's arm he let go with a painful yelp. "Leave us alone! I mean it!"

"What did you do to me?" The Jock snarled.

"They're some kind of freaks!" Another shouted. "Let's get them!"

"You'll do nothing!" Jean came around the corner. Suddenly the jocks stood still, hypnotized. "You saw nothing," Jean used her power on the jocks, changing their memories. "You saw nothing. Everything is fine."

"Everything is fine," The Jocks said tonelessly. "We saw nothing." They staggered away.

"Thanks Jean," Amara said. "That was close."

"What happened?" Jean asked.

"They were hassling us for no reason!" Bobby said. "We were just defending ourselves!"

"So I see," Jean looked at the puddle where the ice was. "We'll talk about this later. Get to class you two and try to keep out of trouble. Okay?"

Meanwhile Kelly was wandering the halls. Then he saw the Jocks wandering. "What's going on here?"

"We saw nothing," They droned as one. "Everything is fine. Everything is fine." They walked past him as if he wasn't there. 

"Terrific," Kelly groaned. "Now the students are cracking up as well as the teachers!" 


	45. Not a Ghost of a Chance

**Not a Ghost of A Chance**

Pietro Maximoff was bored. 

Oh sure he was enjoying his newfound status as Bayville's academic elite. Lording it over Evan and the other members of the X-Men that didn't make the cut to meet the governor was always fun. But for some reason it wasn't as satisfying as he thought it would be. Truth was he was always intelligent and did reasonably well in class, only goofing off just enough to be 'one of the guys'. Tests were easy to him. Just write in paragraphs whatever the bozos reading the stupid essays would want to hear. Anyone could do that. And Evan, well…he was never exactly gifted in the academic department so that wasn't really much of a challenge after all. And Pietro Maximoff lived for challenges.

He even went as far as to publicly post Evan's low score all over the school thanks to a little help from Arcade. True that was fun, but still unsatisfying. He needed something to do. Something that required a challenge. Something that would really annoy Evan and the X-Geeks as well as torment Kelly. Some way to use his talents and brains to get the entire school talking. Then it came to him. It was so simple really. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it before.

All he had to do was start a rumor. 

************************************************************************

Two days later Kelly was relaxing in the teacher's lounge, enjoying some quiet time. Nothing strange had happened at Bayville High for two entire days. Kelly prayed his luck would hold at least until after the governor's visit. 

That luck quickly changed when he saw a shaken science teacher walk into the teacher's lounge. "Principal Kelly!" 

"Now what?" Kelly groaned. 

"I know why this school is constantly plagued with trouble!" Mr. Danders told him. "Ghosts!" 

"Ghosts?" Kelly sighed. 

"Well how else can you explain it?" Danders asked. "I've been hearing rumors about several students killed when Bayville High was being built."

"Oh really," Kelly raised an eyebrow. "Last I heard it was because Bayville was built on an ancient Indian burial ground." 

"Well whatever the reason you have to admit it makes sense!" Danders said.

"Mr. Danders you are a science teacher," Kelly said. 

"So? That doesn't mean that the paranormal doesn't exist!"

_Oh great, _Kelly thought. _Another X-Files fanatic. _Instead he said, "I just don't think it's a good idea to base a theory on rumors circulated by students."

"Well then how do you explain all the earthquakes and those monsters in the gym?" Danders asked. "And the demon sightings? Huh? And all that slime we keep finding everywhere? Ectoplasm!"

"Well before we go calling the Ghostbusters I'd like to see some proof!" Kelly snapped. 

Twenty minutes later Kelly was in Danders science class. "I can't believe I am actually allowing this," He grumbled. "I'm not even sure this is even legal!"

There was Pietro sitting up front with an oujia board. "Oh come on Kelly, what have you got to lose?"

"My job, my reputation…" Kelly moaned. "Huge amounts of cash from parents who might want to sue me." 

"Are you sure this will work in the daylight?" Danders asked.

"Sure," Pietro smiled. "Ghosts walk around during the day too!" 

"This ought to be good," Lance snickered with the rest of the Brotherhood in the back. 

"This is ridiculous," One student folded her arms. "There are no such things as ghosts."

"Quiet!" Pietro snapped. "You will disturb the spirits!"

"You'll disturb something all right," Kelly muttered under his breath. 

"Oh spirits," Pietro chanted. "If you can hear us, give us a sign!" 

That was Lance's cue to make a small earthquake. Immediately everyone in class started to shriek. "No such things as ghosts huh?" One kid shouted.

"I'm sorry!" The doubting student screamed. "I'm sorry! Forgive me!" 

Another quake caused more screams. "I'm outta here!" Danders screamed and ran off. "I'm gonna go join the marines!"

Kelly ran down the hallway along with several other students. "Calm down everybody there is no need to panic! There is no need to…" He slipped on something and fell on his butt. To his horror there was green slime on the floor and dripping from several lockers. "NOW IS THE TIME TO PANIC!" 

He went to his office, oblivious of the laughter of the Brotherhood. He went to the office and started dialing on the phone. "Screw the separation of church and state what we need is an exorcist! Hello? Reverend Felcher? Do you do exorcisms? You do? Good! We need you over here at Bayville High! Don't give me that this is an emergency! No I have not been drinking! Yes. Yes. I am serious. I swear we have a ghost problem! Well what else would you call green slime in the hallways and monster and demon sightings? Not to mention those earthquakes that happen for no reason? Yes. We also have exploding vending machines too. Yes I am serious. No they weren't rumors they are real. I don't know some of this started before I became principal but lately it's been getting worse! Fine. Three O'clock this afternoon. Oh and if you can bring anyone else who's an expert in this subject I'll be grateful. Goodbye." 

"Okay," Kelly got the phone book. "Now I'll just call every church or religious center I can find to see if anyone else knows about exorcisms. Might as well cover all the bases. I wonder if Rabbis can get rid of ghosts? Only one way to find out…" He started to make more calls. 


	46. Strange Things

****

I don't own any lyrics from the songs of the movie "Toy Story." This is another parody that popped into my head.

Strange Things

Kelly is sitting at his desk. He is not happy. He starts to sing.

__

I was on top of the world living high

I felt right at home. I was living the life

Things were the just way they should be

Then all of the sudden without warning

I was dropped into the Twilight Zone!

Now all of a sudden

Some strange things are happening to me!

I got monsters! I got ghosts!

Half my teaching staff is gone!

And I'm doing the best I can to carry on!

I wanted power!

I wanted respect!

I ended up with slime and earthquakes!

And I wake up every morning with the shakes!

Let me tell you about it, strange things are happening to me!

Strange things! Strange things are happening to me!

There's no doubt about it!

You think your life will turn out one way,

You had everything planned.

But then everything changes, and it's not what you've dreamed!

All I want in my life is to have a nice job

And not get killed or canned.

I can't take much more of this insanity!

I'm telling you strange things keep happening to me! Strange things!

Strange things are happening to me! There's no doubt about it.

(Reaches to get some aspirin out of his desk, then he pulls his hand out. It's covered in slime. Kelly promptly faints to the floor.)


	47. Insanity in the Gym

**Insanity in the Gym**

"Man Pietro you outdid yourself this time," Todd remarked. 

The Brotherhood stood in shock as they saw a huge assortment of priests, rabbis, ministers and all kinds of religious persons mulling around the gym. People were chanting, praying, waving around religious icons and burning incense. "It's official," Lance shook his head. "We've finally driven Kelly around the bend."

"Who is that?" Tabitha asked. 

A middle aged woman wearing orange taffeta danced around barefoot throwing flowers with one hand and shaking a tambourine with the other. "Happy spirits!" She sang and danced. "Happy, happy spirits! Come on get happy!" 

"I think she's from the New Age Center," Fred scratched his head. 

"Come on get happy! Happy!" She danced by throwing some flowers on the Brotherhood before dancing away.

"Either that or she's a Partridge Family reject yo," Todd grumbled, brushing the flowers out of his hair.

"You think this is fun," Pietro smirked. "Wait until the Superintendent shows up!"

"How do you know he's coming?" Todd asked.

"Someone gave his office a little call," Pietro said. "Oh boy is Kelly going to get busted this time! Then we'll be rid of him! Ha Ha!" 

On the other side of the gym the X-Men were watching the chaos in disbelief. "I see it but I don't believe it," Scott grumbled. 

"Like is this even legal?" Kitty looked around at the chaos. 

"I don't believe this," Scott groaned. "The Brotherhood finally drove the entire school insane!"

Evan ran up to them. "Scott we…what the heck is going on?"

"The Brotherhood is running this school to the ground that's what's going on!" Scott snapped. 

"Well um," Evan started.

"I mean can you believe those nutcases driving everyone in school into a frenzy?" Scott went on. "Why is it that wherever the Brotherhood goes, trouble follows? You don't see us doing that!" 

"Uh Scott," Evan gulped. "I…uh hate to tell you this but Kurt had another little incident with his watch breaking down in the boy's bathroom."

"What kind of incident?" Scott dreaded the answer. 

Right on cue, the Superintendent ran in the gym. "DEMON!" He screamed. "I saw a demon in the boy's bathroom!" 

"He kinda passed out when he saw Kurt," Evan told him while the Superintendent was raving. Soon everyone in the gym was running to the boy's bathroom. 

"To the Boys' bathroom!" The woman in orange was screaming. 

"The professor really has to fix that thing," Scott grumbled. 


	48. Unlikely Allies

**Unlikely Allies**

"You should have seen it Professor," Evan said. "By the end of the day the school looked like a religious conference or something! Of course Kelly and the Superintendents covered their butts by saying it was an interfaith meeting or something so it would look good in the papers. But if you were there you'd have seen the entire place had gone nuts!" 

"The entire school thinks that the building is haunted," Jean said. "Some kids are even wearing black as a sign of morning." 

"It's weird," Rogue grumbled. "All the popular people are coming to me for makeup advice."

"Some are convinced they can talk to their dead relatives through the ghosts," Bobby said. "Wouldn't it be cool if we could do that?" He got looks. "Well I think it would." 

"Some people are circulating a petition to change the school mascot to the Bayville Ghost or Demon," Kurt grumbled. 

"The school is gripped in hysteria," Jean said. 

"This time the Brotherhood's gone too far!" Scott snapped.

"Well I gotta admit they are pretty creative," Logan snickered.

"You think this is funny?" Scott looked at him.

"Yeah," Logan said. "In a way I think the Brotherhood's doing us all a favor. Ever since the dance people have been looking for answers to what happened. There was no way we could make everybody forget. If people think that ghosts are responsible they won't be looking for any other reasons if you get my drift." 

"I agree," Xavier nodded. "True the Brotherhood's pranks are disruptive but we X-Men are not entirely blameless either. We did cause the incident at the dance however unintentional." 

"Not to mention my little holowatch problem," Kurt groaned. 

"I'm afraid we are just as much to blame as the Brotherhood," Xavier sighed. "We have to find a solution to the hysteria and I believe they may have found a way." 

"What do you mean?" Scott asked.

"I have an unorthodox idea that just might work," Xavier said. "And at the same time it might help us with the Brotherhood as well."

The next day Scott, Kitty and Rogue walked over to the Brotherhood table. "Well if it isn't fellow members of the Academic elite!" Pietro smirked.

"Alvers, we wanna talk," Scott said swallowing his pride. "It's about that prank you guys pulled."

"Here we go," Lance rolled his eyes and covered his ears. "We're not listening!"

"Listen," Scott said. But the entire table covered their ears.

"We're not listening! La La La! We can't hear you!" They all said. 

"Will you guys shut up!" Kitty snapped. "We wanna pull a prank too!"

"Say whaaa?" Todd looked at them. 

"The others think that you guys making up this ghost nonsense and getting the school to believe it was a pretty good idea," Rogue said. 

"Somebody better check the weather report," Fred blinked. "I think H-E-double hockey sticks has frozen over!"

"We're serious," Kitty said. "Okay you guys did take it too far but if you help us pull one last prank, maybe we can fix this!" 

"You're really serious aren't you?" Lance blinked. "Maybe we should check the weather report!" 

"Look," Scott said. "We'll make a deal with you guys. If we help you with this you don't cause any trouble when the governor comes, all right?" 

"Sounds good to me," Lance said. 

"So that's what this is all about!" Pietro snapped. "You guys just want everything to be nice and boring around here and keep us under wraps when the bigwigs come into town!" 

"Look give us a minute to think it over, okay Summers?" Lance said. "Okay guys, huddle!" 

The Brotherhood huddled together. Although their conversation was whispered various words were heard.

"Kitty would think it was a good idea," Tabitha's voice said.

"No!" Todd repeated over and over. "No!"

"Are you sure?" Pietro asked.

"Okay we'll do it!" Lance popped up.

"Okay!" Todd grinned. "Now what's the plan? We get them all in the same room and Xavier drains their brains?"

"Not exactly," Scott said. "Okay here's what we'll do…" 

Later that day Pietro was holding court in the science lab. Some members of the X-Men were there as well as the Brotherhood. "Okay now we are going to put all the naughty spirits and ghosts that have been causing trouble to sleep," He spoke to the small crowd. He was wearing a silver turban and a cape. 

"What is going on now?" Kelly groaned as he walked in. 

"We're going to put all the bad spirits to sleep," Pietro explained. "I read about this in an old book. First we have to get their attention. HEY SPIRITS! OVER HERE!" 

"Maximoff that is not going to…" Kelly stopped as an eraser flew from the chalkboard to the center of the room. He stared open mouthed as the eraser flew across the room. "Keep going Maximoff," He gulped. 

"Spirits rest now!" Pietro shouted out. "Go to sleep…Go to sleep…" The ground shook a little. "I said go to sleep!" Pietro snapped. The shaking stopped. 

"The spirits have been appeased!" Pietro shouted. The students cheered. 

"Oh yeah," Kelly moaned. "Now I'm gonna appease myself with some spirits," He took out the flask of gin and gulped it down. 


	49. A Wonderful Normal American School

**A Wonderful Normal American School**

The next few weeks passed if not smoothly with a limited amount of insanity. Only one teacher resigned and no security guards were injured. The ghost incident soon was somewhat forgotten for some strange reason and some degree of normalcy had come to Bayville High. 

That is until the day Governor Endicott and Senator Bainbridge came. 

The students who had passed the test with flying colors were well dressed and at the podium. Even the Brotherhood was dressed somewhat well. There were several reporters surrounding Kelly. "Well of course it is an honor to be chosen 'School of the Year,'" He smiled. "Bayville High represents the future of this country. The students of tomorrow leading the way to a bright future. Any other questions?" 

"Yes," One reporter asked. "What do you have to say about the discipline problems at this school?"

"Well while I will not pretend that Bayville High is perfect, we have low tolerance for inappropriate behavior," Kelly said. "But the majority of the students are law abiding good students."

"Then how do you explain the disappearance and or resignation of at least 12 security guards in less than two weeks?" The reporter continued. "In fact, according to my investigation, Bayville High is on the black list of several security agencies."

"That's an exaggeration," Kelly gulped. "We tried a few agencies and they didn't work out. That's all. Bayville High is not a school filled with weirdoes and delinquents."

"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain your car being filled with chocolate pudding?" The reporter continued.

"Yeah and so's my news van!" Another reporter shouted. 

"Did I mention that our choir got top honors at the regional competition?" Kelly gulped, turning to the choir. "Why don't you kids sing?"

__

"We love you Bayville, oh yes we do! We're proud of you Bayville and we'll be true! We stand for pride and honor too! Oh Bayville we love you!" The chorus sang.

"Let's give them a hand ladies and gentlemen," Kelly clapped his hands. "Yes Bayville High where both students and teachers strive for excellence!"

"Does that include one Henry McCoy?" Another reporter consulted his notes. "The nutcase who turned himself into a monster a few months ago and is still running around loose?"

"What about that one student who was arrested for stealing money during one of your fundraisers?" Another said. "Plus several other students with juvenile records?"

"Let's hear again from the choir shall we?" Kelly was starting to perspire. The chorus belted out another round of 'We Love You Bayville.' "Very nice," Kelly said. 

"Kelly is it true that this school has an earthquake problem?" Another reporter asked.

"No, no," Kelly was starting to sweat even harder. "That's ridiculous. Next question?"

"What about rumors that the school is haunted?" Another reporter asked. "Demon sightings. And wasn't there some kind of monster infestation during a dance not to recently?" 

"No," Kelly said. "Those are just silly rumors. Boy is it getting hot in here or is it just me?" 

"Then how did the gym get destroyed twice this semester?" A reporter asked. 

"SING!" Kelly shouted. 

_"We love you Bayville, oh yes we do! We're proud of you Bayville and we'll be true! We stand for pride and honor too! Oh Bayville we love you!" _

"I think it's time for the Governor to speak," Kelly looked around. "Uh, wherever he is…" 

"Oh brother," Scott looked around. "Where's the Brotherhood? I don't see them anywhere."

"I got a bad feeling about this," Rogue grumbled.

"Oh here they are," Kitty waved as the Brotherhood reached the podium. "Where have you guys been?" 

"Hi Kitty!" Lance knocked Risty aside so he could sit next to her. 

"WATCH IT YOU JERK!" Risty snapped. Then she realized all eyes of everyone in the gym were on her. "Um, I mean excuse me please?" She blushed. 

"Will you guys just keep it under control for once?" Scott snapped. He looked around. "Where's Tabitha?"

"Getting a soda," Todd said. 

"Oh no…" Scott gulped as he heard an all too familiar boom ring from back stage. Suddenly people were screaming everywhere. Tabitha came out from the chaos drinking a soda. "Tabitha please tell me you didn't do what I think you did." 

"Somebody call an ambulance!" Someone shouted. "Senator Bainbridge has been hit in the head with a soda can!"

"The vending machine looks like it exploded!" Another persons shouted.

"I'm okay…" Senator Bainbridge said in a funny voice before he fell unconscious. 

"Tabitha I'm shocked at you!" Scott snapped.

"For some reason I'm not," Rogue grumbled. 

"Um since Senator Bainbridge is…indisposed," Kelly gulped as the sound of an ambulance grew nearer. "And the Governor is not ready yet, why don't we listen to a song by our own Bayville High Chorus?"

"Oh great," Rogue rolled her eyes. "Just what we need to hear. Musical torture."

"Actually Rogue you might like this," Todd giggled. 

"What did you do?" Scott gulped. 

Then the chorus started to sing a song. Not one of the standard songs by a long shot.

_Welcome to Bayville High! _

In the summer it's too hot, in the winter it's too cold!

The teachers are all drunk or insane

And the cafeteria sells artificially colored mold! 

We're proud of Bayville High!

This sacred learning abode!

Where ghosts and demons run wild

And the vending machines explode! 

This is our school, Bayville High

Where life is never boring

Where students are always running for their lives

And only the subs are snoring

Our basketball team is a joke!

Our football team hasn't won a game 

Our chess club is always getting beat!

Our sports teams are so lame! 

The school's full of jocks and preps

Our principal is a geek

The science lab just blew up

And our gym burnt down last week. 

So come on down to Bayville High!

We'll have a grand old time!

We've got monsters and earthquakes for the kids!

And the halls are covered in slime! 

Bayville High is so much fun1

They sell beer here by the keg!

If you think we're actually learning anything here,

You've got to be pulling my leg! 

"I wrote it myself!" Pietro said proudly. 

"What did you do?" Kitty snapped. "Switch their music?"

"Actually I bribed them," Pietro smiled. "They have very reasonable rates." 

"You said you wouldn't do anything!" Scott hissed.

"We lied," Pietro smirked. "Now sit back and enjoy the show!" 


	50. The Final Act

****

Can you believe that originally this fic was only going to be two little separate one-page fics? It just grew a life of it's own! Well, it's so big I'm going to break it up in two! So for this fic this is…

**The Final Act**

After the song Kelly blanched. "Okay," He gulped. "Uh why don't we take a short break while…Oh there's the Governor now! Excuse me!" He ran over to them. 

"Where have you been?" Kelly hissed. 

"Sorry," Governor Endicott said. "My fault. I asked your charming secretary to show me around. Got lost. What happened?"

"Senator Bainbridge had a run in with one of our killer vending machines," Kelly grumbled. 

"Oh my," Endicott said. "Was he badly hurt?"

"He got hit in the head and was knocked unconscious," Kelly said.

"Oh thank god. No permanent damage," Endicott sighed. "I was afraid he was hit in a vital organ or something. Well the show must go on!" 

A woman came up to them. "Where have you been? We're about to start!"

"Oh this is my wife, Mrs. Endicott," Endicott said introducing them. They all sat down and Kelly went to the podium. "Ladies and gentlemen let's get started shall we?" 

At just that moment the Brotherhood took out umbrellas. Lance handed one to Kitty. "You're gonna need this."

"Lance what the..?" Suddenly the sprinklers went off, drenching the school.

"You jerks!" Rogue snapped as everyone scurried away trying not to get too wet. 

"My hair!" The governor's wife screamed. 

"Why don't we go outside?" Kelly shouted. 

Soon there was a makeshift podium set outside. Almost everyone was dripping wet. Everyone except the Brotherhood and Kitty. "This is so embarrassing," She groaned. "Everybody thinks I knew about this! Thanks a lot Lance!"

"It was Toad's idea!" Lance yelped.

"No way!" Todd snapped. "You're not pinning that rap on me!" 

"Yeah it was your idea!" Fred snapped.

"Was not!" Lance shouted.

"Was too!" Fred and Todd shouted. They started to wrestle with each other.

"Will you jerks cut it out!" Kelly hissed at them. "One more word and its detention for life!" At that they stopped. 

"And now without further ado," Kelly groaned. "Governor Endicott!"

Endicott took to the podium. "Welcome everyone!" He said. "I gotta say this! Bayville High rocks!" 

Then the ground shook. "Lance!" Kitty hissed giving him a quick twist on his ear. 

"Sorry!" He yelped. "I couldn't resist!" 

"What was that?" Endicott yelped.

"Nothing ignore it," Kelly said hastily. "Uh I understand the students have put together a video presentation!" He looked at the huge TV sets set up. "All about Bayville High! Let's turn it on now! Uh who's running this presentation?"

"We are!" Todd waved along with Fred and Lance and Pietro. 

"Oh no," Scott groaned.

"I smell a huge disaster coming on," Risty moaned.

_"Bayville High," _Principal Kelly's voice came out as the video showed pictures of the school. _"A place where students can reach their full potential." _ Then it showed the football team passed out on the football field with beer kegs surrounding them. 

"All right!" The football team chanted as a scene showing them dancing around drinking in the hallways popped up. "That was one awesome party man!" 

"I was right," Risty groaned. 

_"A place where safety and learning are the utmost importance." _The scene then showed the chemistry lab exploding. _"A place where students get along in harmony." _Which was followed by a scene of a food fight in the cafeteria. _"A place of the highest moral standards!" _

The next scene was even more shocking. It was Dorothy kissing Governor Endicott in Kelly's office. 

"Dorothy!" Kelly snapped.

"Clayton!" The governor's wife bristled.

"Oops," Todd blinked. "Wrong tape." 

"Edward," Dorothy gulped.

"Edward?" Governor Endicott looked at her. "Edward?" He looked at Kelly.

"Governor," Kelly gulped.

"Clayton," The governor's wife snarled.

"Prissy…" Endicott pleaded. 

"Prissy?" Dorothy looked at the woman.

"Dorothy," Kelly pleaded.

"Dorothy," The governor's wife glared at the secretary. 

"Sorry Lance," Todd looked at him. "I didn't mean to blow it yo!"

"Actually Toad I don't think you did," Lance said. "I think you made it even more interesting! Look!" 

Dorothy and the governor's wife were wrestling on the ground. "I got five bucks on the secretary!" Lance shouted. 

"Fifteen on the governor's wife!" Pietro shouted. "She looks like a biter!" 

"I'll take that bet!" A reporter shouted. Soon the photographers were snapping away. 

"This is all your fault Kelly!" Endicott snapped. "I'll get my revenge for this! Just you wait!" 

Suddenly more explosions came. This time from the wastebaskets. "STOP HER!" Several security men were chasing after Tabitha. "SHE'S STEALING THE GOVERNOR'S LIMO!" 

"I'm doomed," Kelly moaned sinking to his knees. "I'm going to be stuck here in this miserable dump for the rest of my life!"

"Aw don't be sad," Todd patted him on the back. "You'll always have us!"

And at that moment Kelly gave off the loudest scream in the history of the entire planet. 

**If you think that's the end of the Kelly torture you are mistaken! Watch out for the sequel, coming soon. Well whenever I think of something.**


End file.
